ONE MAN'S VIEW: Polygamy is a sure way to a madhouse

The Holy book notes that King Solomon, ostensibly the wisest man (and probably the most stupid) that ever walked on the surface of this earth, when men brought in dinosaurs for dinner, enjoyed a harem 1000-plus. I always ask myself this one simple question; why in God’s name would a man keep in tow some 700 wives and 300 concubines even if he could afford to feed them. How would he service their every need including sexual needs? I am sure that some other guys came to his aid.

Just imagine 1000-plus women in your household hollering, quarrelling, some suckling their babies and others doing the “women thing”. If it happened to me, I would be the first candidate for the madhouse in Dodoma. Perhaps I would opt for a quick death, say, by taking a dive off the new PSPF building head first. Lately however, I have been considering a second, third and fourth wife (that is a modest number compared to Solomon).

Just one woman is enough to drive you to the rocks with her incessant quarrelling, sulking, bickering and all. Men have skimmed through the profile of any woman whom they suppose would suit their disposition.

Some will love you with all their hearts and minds! They will be loyal and will accept you as the one-and-only. However, the day she ever finds you with another woman she will kill you and herself! Others love wetting their throats with things alcoholic.

Some love anything chicken and ugali. They will feed you on porridge for breakfast, ugali for lunch and more ugali in the evening. Only difference is that the lunch time Ugali, will be softer than the evening Ugali. If you love one of these, you must be willing to live in the same house as domestic animals like Chickens. Some love parties and funerals. You must also be willing to attend a funeral almost every weekend. I have seen women who hate man’s relatives but be willing to indefinitely host other people’s relatives.

Weird religions: Some wake up in the middle of the night and start casting out demons, chant in the wee hours of the morning. Her church has strange names like “Jesus Helicopter” or “Nearest To Jesus Christ Church”. All the money you give her will end in the pastor’s bank account. Recently, I know of a neighbour who beat up his wife for slaughtering the only cock for the pastor. The gist?

Keep one woman you can understand.