The question of emotions in leadership

From time to time the issue of emotions at the workplace confronts us because irrespective of what role you play or what level you are at, we are human.

A lot has been written about emotional intelligence but I would like to focus on the questions around leaders who show emotions. Is it a bad thing or a good thing? Does it augur well with those that they lead? How do their peers view the phenomenon? What meaning do those that are led draw? What is the impact?

It is true that having too much emotion in the work place can mask objectivity and lead to a lot of rash decisions, however we are in the era or perfectly crafted messages, all sugar coated to ensure that we never have to see the raw emotions underneath even though we acknowledge that those emotions are entirely human. We are somehow driven by the fear of being seen as vulnerable or weak. We are too afraid that we will lose control and the need to look strong overwhelms us.

I would like to argue that actually, for us to be better and more effective leaders, emotions play an incredibly important role in the activities that leaders must concern themselves with on a day to day basis, be it inspiring trust, building strong relationships, making tough decisions, rallying the team behind a compelling vision. In fact part of having a compelling vision is the leader’s ability to communicate it passionately with a level of emotion for authenticity to come through.

Some of the most memorable and powerful moments in our workplaces are when our leaders are courageous enough to speak from their hearts. Whether they are expressing frustrations, regret, anger, hope, happiness etc.

I realize that in the concept of leadership that we experience most often, the perspective of a leader who is comfortable expressing emotions is almost unimaginable, but we must be alive to the fact that we are in the knowledge era and our audiences are much more in tune with the realities of life and indeed of leadership.

Which means that we cannot afford to be anything but genuine with them, they see through the coating and we instantly loose credibility when they feel that we are being short of genuine.

The question becomes therefore how do we take this beast by its horns and learn how to become comfortable with emotions? Here are some suggestions;

1. We must first recognise and understand our own emotions. We need to start here because we can only communicate what we understand. This could be an exercise achieved by reflecting and journaling how we feel in certain situations and digging a little deeper to try and understand why the particular situation makes us feel they way that we do.

2. Appreciate and hold it that all communication must be hallmarked by RESPECT. There are ways to communicate even the most negative message in a manner that leaves the recipient/s with their dignity intact. Just because we are angry does not justify lowering our standards of respecting others.

3. Be present. Often times we are in meetings and instead of paying attention to what colleagues are communicating we are busy on our laptops or more notoriously on our cell phones. Unplugging from our gadget world long enough to be present allows us to hear the unspoken words, to feel the unarticulated emotions and also presents us with the opportunity to engage empathetically.

4. Give yourself permission to be vulnerable. This may be in acceptance that you do not know, it may be demonstrated by admission of failure and offering an apology, it may be shown by sharing a challenge that you are dealing with, in which you feel overwhelmed. Nothing rallies people round a cause than a moment of real human connection.

5. Seek to know how the team members and indeed the company is doing. Ask questions, walkabout the ‘shop floor’. The experience exposes you to colleagues at all levels and they share their perspectives in real time. What a fantastic opportunity for you to demonstrate interest in their lives, their achievements and their challenges.

6. Appreciate differences in perspectives. Everybody has his or her story. There is a famous quote that states “You cannot understand someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes”. Your perspective is informed by your unique journey and so is the next person. As a leader, listening to understand is a critical skill in inspiring those that you lead.

7. Be sensible about it. Whilst showing emotions may lead to greater connections, it cannot be done mindlessly. Be smart enough to figure out what to share, how to share it, with whom, at which point and for what purpose.