Why Mama Mwakilambo is admitted to hospital
God, in his divine wisdom, and at the peak of creativity realized that adding a few animals in his list of his creation was not a bad idea. He very well knew that existence of a few more animals to scare human beings out of their skins was a great idea of a joke. I suspect that after having created animals and other things, he must have become so bored and his imagination included a list crawling animals like salamanders and snakes to scare the hair out of the heads of folks like me. Having suddenly realized spiders and rats can unleash spine chilling screams in the likes of my one-and-only Bisho Ntongo out of their skins, he went ahead and created millipedes, scorpions and centipedes to complete the package.
However, other animals that chose to live with human beings like cats and dogs, we have never considered them sinister until a cat unleashed the mother of terror stories on Mama Mwakilambo, the master brewer of illicit devil drinks. Prior to that, cats in Uswaz were kept for chewing rats (mine runs away from rats) or those as “partners” of those who practice the art of witchcraft. So, when a cat came calling at Mama Mwakilambo’s shack, she considered herself a luck owner of a cat. In fact, during one drinking sprees she was heard saying that rats had gone on exile in other shacks.
Recently the cat turned against her – she had underrated the agility, accuracy and the speed of an angry cat. She had prepared some fish and hid it in the cupboard. All the time she was cooking the meal, the cat kept a reasonable distance and gave her that bored looks cats give – unlike dogs, you cannot tell what they are thinking. Anyway when she left for the church (she is an ardent church goer even though she serves devil liquids), the cat had other ideas – he chewed the fish to the last bone.
When Mama Mwakilambo arrived from church hungry she was dismayed to find the fish gone and the cat happily licking itself with pleasure. That is when she decided to teach the naughty cat a lesson or two. She locked the room and started thrashing him with a broom. The cat was not amused. It kept ducking the broom and tearing and biting at her – it had turned out to become a tiger or cheetah.
His wide open irises were reminiscent of cat gone bonkers. In pain, the lady she screamed that neighbours came to her rescue but the damage had already been done – her blood pressure shot for the moon while her blood sugar went south. She is now hospitalised at Uswaz Hospital – we wish her quick recovery!
