Killing thirst as you marry off daughter

Wonder no more.

Well, bridegroom Tush is one of the numerous daughters of my younger sibling, Teshanya.

Being the man-and-a-half that he is, Teshanya is father to several offspring from several mothers, and each of the baby mama’s first daughters is named after our late mother.

This Tush we married off recently happens to be the senior-most daughter of Teshanya, hence the mkubwa (the senior one) tag to her name adopted from her grandmother, the daughter of Mlao Ithae Liana.

It’s a sendoff ceremony in a village setting.

Lots of food—bananas (freely harvested from our family shamba), rice, pilau, Irish potatoes, and lots of meat.

Plus lots of bottled water and sodas (a big deal here, yes!).

You must have noticed I’m mentioning a variety of drinkables that, however, exclude what the likes of Uncle Kich, Ndugu Esaya, and yours faithfully cherish.

And mark you, there’s a lot of dancing.

But how on earth do you expect the likes of Uncle Kich, Ndugu Esaya, and yours faithfully to dance in broad daylight in an “empty head?”

We needed to do something.

Most of our guests were aware that there was no way Teshanya, the pious father of Tush Mkubwa, would serve the guests drinks of alcoholic variety.

So, many of those who subscribe to drinks that alter a man’s head were having in their hands, or on their tables, 500 ml water bottles that they’d had clandestinely filled with colourless poisons of their choice.

Esaya had a bottle of club soda before him, plus a half-filled 500ml water bottle.

However, what was in the water bottle was not water but something more manly—Gordon’s!

As guests who are averse to alcoholic beverages enjoy their sodas and remain cool even on the dance floor to do a jig, there are all these young fellas displaying craziness while holding bottles of “water” in their hands. Water bottles, my foot!

I’m sharing a table with Uncle Kich, and, trust the older geezer, he has a bottle of Kasichana, which he secretly pulls out of his jacket’s pocket to replenish his glass below the table, away from anyone’s view!

Meanwhile, the bottles of sodas meant for him remain untouched, but that doesn’t matter because at the end, someone will be enjoying them.

Sodas are a very special treat amongst our village folk!

At the end of it all, just before sunset, the party is over.

The bridegroom and his entourage take away our daughter Tush “Mkubwa,” who we, the Muyanza clansmen, will only see occasionally when she comes to visit.

POSTSCRIPT

I wish you, our beloved daughter Mwantumu, aka Tush, a happy marriage. Be blessed with many children, including one whom you’ll name after your ba’mkubwa, that is, me—WA MUYANZA.