‘Burn your ships’ to keep your love burning

The phrase “burning your ships” originates from an event in 1519, when a Spanish crew of soldiers led by Hernán Cortés landed on the shores of Veracruz in Mexico with 500 men and 11 ships. Their mission was to conquer the Aztecs.

Cortés, having a crew that was already exhausted after a long sea journey, ordered the soldiers to burn their 11 ships. The ships burned. Therefore, he forced them to accept the fact that there was no turning back.

If the ships had been available, they would have been the easy choice once the going got tough. Cortés destroyed the safety net and managed to secure his soldier's commitment, dedication, and teamwork.

They chose success in a life-and-death fashion. Ultimately, they achieved their mission. Many historians attribute this strategy as an important key to his surprising defeat of the powerful Aztec nation that largely outnumbered Cortés’ small number of soldiers.

The burning of ships caused:

Commitment: This is critical to success. Nothing significant can be achieved without commitment, whether in business, personal growth, or relationships, especially in marriage, the most committed relationship one can ever enter.

Support: When spouses support each other’s dreams and goals, the two can fulfil an essential ingredient of having a successful relationship. By supporting each other, you help each other become the person you dreamt to be, and therefore, you're able to achieve your life goals without feeling the need to compete with your partner because you always have full support behind you no matter what happens.

Respect: Respect is an important quality in a relationship. Partners respect each other and listen to one another even when they don’t agree with what they have to say. Respect your partner and listen to what they've got to say, even when they're not in agreement with you. After all, their opinions matter, even if they're different.

Connection: The Spanish soldiers had to stay highly connected if at all they'd to win. The foes were in extremely staggering numbers. Similarly, married couples have a host of enemies; it takes character above average to win the standing hostility.

Sarah J. Browne, a speaker and writer, says, "Connection comes even before correction. Connection is a positive discipline focusing on the power of love over lecturing or instruction. We need to feel we matter and our voice is heard."

Securing attachments means we are safe, valued, and loved in a home where our spouses help us build strong self-esteem and self-love. There are no perfect spouses because there are moments when a spouse fails dismally.

To conclude, commitment means you stay and work it through every day. It's a choice to give up choices. Although this might at first sound limiting, it brings great freedom, depth, and success to your relationship, as it did to the Spanish soldiers. "Burn your ship." Your love will keep on burning.

Amani Kyala is a counsellor, writer and teacher, 0626 512 144.