Darling, we’ve to defeat the dangerous world dragons

Stephen D. Eyre has written a profound book, Defeating the Dragons of the World: Resisting the Seduction of False Values. This is one of the most influential books of the past five decades. I have used insights from his discussion of materialism, relativism, individualism, and busyness to mention the effects of these dragons.

The dragon of materialism: We're constantly bombarded with daily messages from the media and other sources, such as "buy, purchase, own" and "buy, purchase, own." Today one person is exposed to 10,000 ads per day. According to statista.com, in the first half of 2017, over 66.5 million ads were aired on United States televisions.

The postmodern philosophy says, "I'm what I own." Matter is all that matters. Unfortunately, individuals with a high sense of materialism usually experience lower relationship satisfaction and negative attitudes towards spouses.

The dragon of busyness: This is an inner belief that "I'm what I do." Throughout the week, we wear so many different hats (mom, dad, boss, house cleaner, referee, chauffeur, mechanic, financial planner, and so on), and without being intentional, there often isn’t any time to wear the most important hat - husband and wife!" says Hans Molegraaf, cofounder of Marriage Revolution.

Busyness can kill your marriage. Burnout and depression are now rampant in our world. According to research, 1 out of 6 people experience mental health problems at work, and 12 billion hours of work are lost every year due to depression and anxiety. Happy workers produce 13 percent more than others.

The dragon of relativism: This is the belief that there's no absolute truth, only the truths that a particular individual or culture happens to believe. If you believe in relativism, then you think different people can have different views about what's moral and immoral.

The problem with relativism is that nothing can be condemned as plain wrong. Moral progress is a meaningless idea. Different cultures speak differently. This means in marriage, spouses can cheat without any guilt- can you imagine a marriage without morals? Disaster!

The dragon of individualism: This is a conviction that "I'm all that matters." Individualism makes people prefer to think of themselves more than others and to act for the sake of their own interests instead of other groups or communities. Out of strong individualism stem all kinds of systemic social ills like prejudice, irrationality and selfishness.

In an individualistic world, "I'm busy looking for me." As a result, this dragon issues a proclamation announcing personal liberation and freedom from all limits. Thus, in the "search for me," I get "unlimited me."

What makes a marriage work is not personal achievement, independence, resilience, or self-reliance. It's being other-centred and cultivating interdependence values.

Lastly, love is other-centred, and to defeat these dragons, we must know them and resist their tendencies and technical lies. This world has God and values.

Amani Kyala is a counsellor, writer, and teacher. Contact: 0626 512 144.