In tragic and traumatic loss, it's well with my soul

In 1871, the Great Chicago Fire wiped out about 2,100 acres of the city, destroying the business district. Three hundred people died and 100,000 others were left homeless in that hell of a three-day inferno. However, 20 years later, Chicago’s population grew from 298,977 to 1,099,850.

Horatio Spafford, a lawyer who'd invested heavily in Chicago real estate, lost much to the fire, and his only son died about the same time. Still, for two years, Spafford helped the homeless and the agonising.

After that, Horatio and his family were set for a vacation in England and Europe. However, due to pressing business matters, he sent his wife and four daughters ahead, intending to join them later

Unfortunately, their ship, Ville du Havre, carrying 226 people, collided with an English ship, Loch Earn, and sank within 20 minutes. Only 87 people survived.

His wife, Anna, clung to a piece of floating wreckage, but their four daughters died. Upon arriving in England, Anna sent a telegram to her husband that read: “Saved alone. What shall I do?”

Horatio immediately sailed to England. The ship's captain showed him the accident spot when he reached the accident area.

As Horatio thought about his daughters, words of comfort and hope filled his heart. He wrote them down, and they've since become a well-beloved hymn: It's well with my soul. How did Horatio cope?

Firstly, he accepted the situation: Life can be so unpredictable—joys and sorrows, blessings, and disasters can come unexpectedly. Our life dreams and plans can change just in a second.

Different people react differently to loss and tragedies. Some get angry with God, others are depressed, and yet others sink deep into substance use. But Horatio accepted the situation.

No matter how smart we are, grief and mourning are universal experiences that everyone must endure. Without pretence, we recognise that there will be 'peace like a river and sorrow like sea billows'; both pain and joy are integral to the human experience.

Secondly, Horatio had a support team: The mighty fell, who're you to travel alone? We need others to walk alongside us! Horatio had the company of popular evangelist Dwight Moody and others. Let's trim down our pride!  We need others. Our egos say, "You can make it on your own." But this is the Devil's lie.  We're far better when together.

Many people run to family members when in trouble. However, most of the family members aren't trained counsellors. Helping grieving and bereaving people needs skills, special education, genuineness, tenderness, empathy, and unique sensitivity. Counselling must be tailor-made to the state of affairs.

To conclude, it's okay to express feelings of anger, grief, sadness, confusion, guilt, or despair. They're part of the healing process, which may take time.

A skilled support team is a wonderful cushioning base, helping us to ventilate and cope with tremendous tragedies and their emotional aftermath. Finally, "it is well."

Amani Kyala is a counsellor, writer, and teacher. Phone: 0626 512 144.