Spouses sitting side by side, setting up a slice of life

As life progresses, we need to sit down as spouses and plan how we are going to divide time according to our values and priorities. Some people think that loving relationships just happen like that! No, not at all.

Happily married couples have a testimony that this takes respect, patience, time, empathy, and lots of painful but gainful growth processes.

If we want to go down in history as two great individuals and spouses who've ever graced the beautiful institution of marriage, then we must know the difficult task of setting priorities and sticking to them.

Time with a spouse: One of the common complaints you'll hear frequently in this postmodern life is when a wife says, “I don't feel like a priority to my husband. Everyone and everything comes before me. It makes me feel sad and unnoticed. I'm like a piece of furniture, just there, sometimes useful when he wants to sit down, but sometimes just there—idle.” We all want to be in a relationship where we feel special, noticed, and important.

Working hours: Work is so important. But are you always working, even when you are home? I'm guilty of this at times. Do we, as spouses, eat meals together, talk, laugh, and enjoy each other’s company? Do we show interest in our spouse’s world? Do we spend quality time together?

Sleeping hours: Sleep is absolutely vital to every process in the body; it affects our physical and mental functioning, our ability to fight diseases, and our ability to develop immunity. Lack of sleep causes impaired metabolism and chronic disease risk. Sleep touches on every aspect of health and life. Let's get 7-8 hours of sleep daily.

Caring for each other: There are many ways to show care for each other. When you come and go home every day, say hello. Make time together a priority. Plan for it. Let's avoid using a mobile phone when talking to our spouses; let's give each other undivided attention.

Worship: Worshipping together is another priority that deepens the spiritual connection between a husband and wife. It allows us to share a common faith, common values, and common beliefs, which in turn strengthens our bonds and creates a sense of amazing solidarity.

Playing hours: Having fun together as spouses enhances deep emotional connection, thus increasing relationship satisfaction. Playing sorts out many differences between us, giving us hope.

Parenting hours: Yes, we're partners, but partners who happen to be parents. Parenting is a challenging job; the transition to becoming parents brings lots of stress. We have to learn how to create a new identity. When children come, everything in family life changes, including daily activities and finances.

Lastly, take an honest assessment of your priorities—who and what is most important to you, and how do you show it?

Amani Kyala is a counsellor, writer, and teacher, 0626 512 144