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No country for old men: The struggles of aging in America
While in Africa the elderly are revered, in the West old age is frowned upon, and the elderly are often taken to care homes to be looked after. PHOTO | COURTESY
What you need to know:
- There are stories of Africans who spent their youth in the West only to invest their earnings back home and return in their later years, having grown old and unable to fully enjoy the fruits of their labour
Mr Edwin (not his real name) is always in constant search for herbal ingredients to add to his dietary intake. He is obsessed with healthy eating.
At 73 years of age, he can’t take the risk of getting sick in America. He still works and maintains an active lifestyle. His mornings start with tea made of lemongrass mixed with honey, afterward, he grinds ginger, lemon, kale, and a bunch of other fruits in the blender. His neighbours upon hearing the noise his blender makes, they know its 5:00 am. They jokily tell him that his blender is like a rooster crowing every morning. A perfect alarm clock.
He left Tanzania three decades ago and settled in Alabama. He later moved to a different state. He has seen how old people are treated in this country, a direct contrast to the way Africans honour and care for their aging citizens.
He said in Tanzania, the elderly are revered and their wisdom is sought after. Family disputes are settled by a council of elders, and even today marital disputes are always calmed by the elders, but moving to America, he saw how old people are swept to nursing homes or senior living homes, and cared for by total strangers.
It’s like the law of the jungle. The once powerful lion heading the pride, once past their prime, the old lion has no place in the family. It won’t even be allowed to spend the rest of his remaining days peacefully, he will either flee or be terminated. Mr Edwin has seen how friends his age mate have literally seen their assets and bank account taken over by family claiming they are on cognitive decline.
Their ability to make sound financial decisions is questioned. Forgetting names is always alarming, early signs of dementia or Alzheimer’s are the first step to losing their freedom. It’s like America doesn’t know what to do with their aging population, he ponders. In politics they fare better.
“You have seniors who have been senators for 30 years and still serving their communities, but in the civilian world, the old are shunned,” he says. He fears he will get there, with his family back in Tanzania, he wonders where he will get the support system when the inevitable happens and he requires assistance in his everyday chores.
But for now, all he can do is eat healthy, remain active, and hope that the world will be kinder.
The incidents of young people in New York making planks of beating old people showed how evil the world has gotten, TikTok videos of senior citizens getting punched and pushed in New York shocked the world. But Edwin is no pushover; he walks with a staff to keep assaulters away. In his younger days, he did karate and jogged almost every day. At his age, he is in amazing shape and he plans to keep it that way.
In Maryland, Mr Patrick (not his real name) is far removed from the world he once knew. He used to work and live in Washington DC, as an executive in a broadcasting organisation. He moved to the US from Dar es Salaam as an 18-year-old student. He went to the US as a sponsored student.
More than 50 years later, with children and grandchildren all born and raised in the US. This is the world he knows. He has always flown back to Tanzania to meet old friends for a glass of wine and reminisce about the good old times. He is now retired with a comfortable bank account that he doesn’t have to worry about how he gets by.
Still, he is called now and then to serve as the court Kiswahili translator whenever they need one. There are a lot of Kiswahili speakers in Washington DC and Maryland so when they are in the presence of the legal system, he serves as their intermediary. Other than that his days are spent playing his piano, drinking his wine, and playing with his grandchildren.
His wife is also Tanzania-born. She was happy to welcome their first granddaughter seven years ago. She played a key role in raising her with Tanzanian values, teaching her respect for elders and her place in society. She acknowledges that It’s not easy teaching African values to American children, here they are more independent and you can’t punish them or be so tough on them as they are growing, and conflicts will ensue.
She has had a few incidents where she had to scold her granddaughter when she misbehaved. On a recent vacation trip to South Africa during Christmas, she had to take all the gifts she got for her when she didn’t behave properly. It broke her heart but she felt it was necessary to teach her a lesson about respect. That incident is not even conceivable in Tanzania. Grandchildren in the presence of their elders can’t even raise their voices but these are two different worlds and they understand that.
There are numerous stories of Africans who spent their youth in Western countries, only to invest their earnings back home. However, they often return in their later years, having grown old, and find themselves unable to fully enjoy the fruits of their labour.
There is this well-known tale of an elderly man returning to his village mansion after years of hard work in Europe. Yet, he found himself hindered by bad knees, unable to climb the stairs to his master bedroom. Instead, he could only watch as his servants enjoyed the house he had built through years of toil abroad.
Reality of looking for greener pastures in the West
Some come back home in their old age to the world they no longer recognise. The cultural clash is experienced in most cases leading to frustration and failure to adapt.
To many Tanzanians having a power outage is pretty normal and locals would brush it aside knowing that it would soon come back and if not candles are lit and life goes on. But for those who have never experienced power going off in the US, it’s catastrophic. For them only hurricanes and other natural disasters justifies unavailability of electricity.
Otherwise, it’s unimaginable, and when they move back home and experience such outages, it can be deeply frustrating.
Even for a short stay, is not easy for them. They feel they can’t fully belong in Tanzania, the country of their birth and they do not completely feel they belong in America either. But a growing Tanzanian community in the US has brought a sense of belonging for most. Tanzanian councils have worked hard to unite Tanzanian communities across the country. They have also been able to set up Pamoja we can Harambee an organisation that helps provide financial assistance to the family of a Tanzanian who dies there.
A vital helping hand to make sure their loved ones are buried with respect and without financial burden to the family. From the Whatsapp groups to the Tanzanian community organizations, all these make the old Tanzanians feel a sense of belonging even as they advance in age.
