Of men and their premature ejaculation woes

Premature ejaculation is not a new topic in recent years. It is a hot debate that catches the attention of many.

A simple survey by Your Health revealed that among ten men, six of them are going through premature ejaculation.

Hussein Juma* 42, has been going through premature ejaculation for quite a long time.

Juma lives in Magomeni and he works as a businessman at the Kariakoo market.

He also drives big trucks to Zambia.

He is no longer confident about himself.

He is not happy and most of the time when at home, he finds himself verbally exchanging bitter words with his wife of 10 years.

For more than a year now, Hussein has been struggling with premature ejaculation.

It started off slowly but it kept getting worse until he found himself ejaculating even during foreplay.

According to Hussein, his wife believes in witchcraft.

She has been forcing him to go to traditional healers for treatment.

He, however, is not ready as he had just started treatment at the Muhimbili National Hospital.

He says, the doctor has given him medication to treat the condition but his wife is not as supportive of him with the decision to be treated medically.

He has not been able to start his medication.

According to him, his medication has to be taken at least three hours before intercourse.

The medication helps him with maintaining an erection for longer periods before ejaculates.

“Apart from the medication for premature ejaculation, I am also on treatment for my mental health to help manage my stress levels. The doctor told me too much work and working under pressure had also contributed in affecting my performance at home,’ says Hussein.

Hussein also narrates how his wife started suspecting and accusing him of being unfaithful.

He advised his wife to investigate and she realised that he was not cheating.

She then jumped to believing he was bewitched.

He says, his hesitation to go to the traditional healers angered his wife who now continues to refuse to be intimate with him in any manner.

“As per our conversation with my doctor, I believe things will get back to normal. However the challenge is still my wife who refuses to give a chance to try and see if the medication is working,” says Hussein.

Hussein says that this is a condition that affects a lot of men who choose to suffer in silence because of the fear of stigma and being physiological torture.

Urologist, Dr Urio Mbago explains that premature ejaculation is caused by biological factors like abnormal levels of brain chemicals, prostate infection and abnormal hormone levels.

Other factors include being unable to manage stress effectively, excessive drinking, certain prolonged illnesses as well as financial instability.

He says, in a day he tends to about three to six new patients.

It is a problem affecting most men in their 40’s.

However, there are young boys who suffer in silence with the fear of being judged by their parents and relatives.

“This is a sensitive topic. Majority suffer in silence. And if not well handled it can lead to men being violent, thinking that they are not men enough and they don’t have enough information that helps them to understand that it is a problem that can be treated,” says Dr Mbago.

According to him, treating such a patient requires couple treatment as well because a woman plays a big role in helping her spouse recover sooner.

Through the counselling process, the woman will be able to understand that it is just a disease which can be treated and that the most important part of the treatment is the support she gives to her husband.

Apart from medical treatment, using lidocaine spray which contains a numbing agent can help prevent premature ejaculation.

Another way of avoiding premature ejaculation is self-relieving at least an hour before sexual intercourse.

Adding to that he says, trying to exercise by tightening the pelvic floor muscles by holding them in contraction and relaxing them for few seconds helps a lot.

Commenting on how premature ejaculation can be measured he says, any ejaculation that is below 12 minutes after penetration is regarded as premature ejaculation.

And if it happens for about three times at different occasions the patient has to see the doctor

Rashida John is a primary school teacher and she says that they have been attending clinic with her husband for three months now.

She is happy that her husband is slowly improving.

She says, it was never easy for her husband to accept seeing the expert.

It took them 8 months without having sex as he was completely unable to stay erect for more than two to three minutes.

“It killed his confidence. He went quiet on me and he spent most of his time on his laptop doing his work. He was avoiding me. It wasn’t until I told him that I wanted us to divorce that he agreed to start his clinic,” says Rashida.

She calls upon women to support their husbands as a way of making it easier for them to visit the hospital and encourage other men to open up as well and be willing to see the doctor.

Emmanuel Kisanga is Rashida’s husband. He says he never knew what happened and he was ashamed of himself.

He decided not to touch his wife for the fear of leaving her unsatisfied.

He never knew he was creating another problem with his wife.

“I was worried about my performance. Avoiding her was the only option for me. It took us 8 months without sex. And we were sleeping in same room and bed. I went the extra mile of sleeping with my trousers and shirts. I was sending a message to my wife that she is not allowed to touch me,” says Emmanuel.

Adding to that, he says that the situation started to affect his performance at work.

He was nervous most of the time and at time never looked forward to going to work.

He easily became angry and he would not respond to most calls.

This is what pushed his wife to giving him the divorce ultimatum.

The only way to save his marriage was for him to start his treatment. And they are all happy now as the medication are responding positively.

He thanks his wife for supporting him during the ordeal and calls for all employers to invest in talking about mental health at work places.

This will help people to understand how to respond to different challenges at work as well as at home.

Through counselling at the hospital, he realized there is a big problem affecting workers and they are struggling with mental health without knowing some of the root causes like ED.

If this is not well taken care off we might continue to witness a lot of needless violence in our society.