Why do some women orgasm more easily?

Mary has been chickening out of sex recently because she is embarrassed with the speed at which she orgasms.

“We start and within two to three minutes I hit climax,” she says, “my husband laughs at me and this makes me feel abnormal.”

At the age of 30, and only six months into marriage, Mary is getting used to routine sex.

She is sexual almost daily, a usual occurrence with people in new relationships.

“I had sex only once before marriage,” she says, “I wanted a serious guy and I knew that sex can cloud one’s choice so I kept off it and agreed with Sam that we wait until marriage but now I don’t feel okay, it happens too fast.”

Well, Mary is not abnormal. Women can orgasm even before penetrative sex.

At the same time, there are those who go the long haul, as long as 10 or more minutes before coming close to climaxing.

I am not talking about women who do not orgasm at all, those ones have anogasmia, a medical diagnosis that needs to be investigated and treated.

I am talking about women who orgasm pretty fast; in less than five minutes once they put their minds to enjoying the act, whether at foreplay or during penetrative sex.

What differentiates them from those who go much longer and even put extra effort before getting there?

There have been research studies on this issue. First is the extent to which a woman is satisfied with her relationship.

The feeling of being loved; the connection to your man; the admiration you have for him; and how well he treats you.

These things matter when it comes to intimacy. The more satisfying a relationship the faster the body responds and the faster the orgasm comes.

Secondly, the values one has around sex do matter. There are people who have negative feelings around sex, e.g. that it is dirty or evil; or that by engaging you are will get a disease or an unwanted pregnancy or other dangerous conditions.

Whenever you are having sex and these thoughts keep crossing your mind be sure to fail to progress to orgasm quickly.

Interestingly, the more you enjoy sex and orgasm the more likely it is to happen again.

In other words, if you reached climax easily it is likely to happen again. Satisfying sex is a precursor to another satisfying experience.

“I feel I am caught up in that cycle,” Mary said as she burst out laughing, “I enjoy sex with my husband.”

Sex therapy

Well, it also unfortunately means that a woman who is struggling to orgasm is likely to keep struggling unless some form of intervention happens such as sex therapy.

But then, there is also the question of experience. The younger woman is likely to struggle to get orgasm as they learn their erotic points. The older woman tends to know what to do to be able to feel good.

“Do you mean experience in terms of having sex with many people?” Mary asked frowning.

It is more the number of times one has had sex rather than the number of partners.

In fact, the experience extends even to masturbation so that women who masturbate may have discovered what works for them making them orgasm faster.

“I am now beginning to wonder whether I have a problem or whether I am super normal,” Mary said shyly avoiding eye contact.

Knowing that you are reaching climax faster because you are in a satisfying relationship, have positive sexual values and are enjoying the sexual experience is important.

This is because some women in this situation end up anxious, worried and even avoidant of sex thinking that they are abnormal.

It is a situation of a good thing in life causing distress instead of happiness. You should be careful not to fall in such a trap.

Enjoying the moment

“But what if my husband laughs at me?” Mary asked, “Does that not mean that he is finding my behaviour abnormal?”

“Maybe he is happy that you are enjoying the moment,” I replied subconsciously.

I, all the same asked Mary to bring her husband to the clinic for a session. Clarifying these issues as a couple does help to avoid misinterpretation.

Mary was back in the clinic the next day with her husband.

“I feel so happy and privileged that my wife enjoys herself,” Sam, Marry’s husband, said when he came to the clinic, “I apologise if my laughter causes her discomfort.”

Mary looked at him with admiration, rubbed his back and pecked him. “It is fine dear, I now understand,” she whispered.

Yes, it is fine to orgasm quickly. It should never be a course for worry. In fact consider yourself lucky if you have such a gift. It means everything is going well for you.