A pillar of strength; I am a father

Father’s day has gradually picked up momentum as society has owned up to the reality of the importance of acknowledging fathers who are present and active in their children’s lives, regardless of the challenges they face.

Some will argue that it is a father’s duty to do whatever is needed for the survival and wellbeing of their families but at the end of the day, they are still human and it takes love and dedication for them to be able to stand firm.

A lot of fathers are out there, proud of themselves because of the physical creation of a child but still end up doing nothing.

As a father now, I look at every aspect of my life and see my father’s hand in many things. I wouldn’t have become self-reliant without his blessing and constant support. His never-forgotten life lessons have made me who I am today.

These are the kinds of impact that fathers should strive for and these dads around Tanzania share their experiences with Life&Style.

Every third Sunday of June, the world celebrates Father’s Day. It’s a day that looks at more than just biological fathers; it celebrates other father figures such as uncles, brothers, and grandfathers who have embraced the responsibility of nurturing and raising children and their devotion to their families.

Practising what I’ve seen

Deogratius Abel; Video Director

Deogratius Abel, alias Deo Abel is a father of one who shares that Father's Day should not be taken for granted because a lot of men are running away from their responsibilities these days.

“The reason we don’t get all the praise is because some of us run away from the responsibilities of being a father. Today, most men are absent emotionally or physically from their children which leaves these growing children without positive memories of their children,” shares Deo.

He adds that what he has learned from his father throughout his entire life is what he’s going to apply to his beautiful daughter, Ayra.

“We never sat together so that he could teach me what fatherhood entails and how to navigate it. I learnt through his daily life by watching him work to provide for us as a family and the way he handles problems but still being able to smile with us. I am sure of what I am going to do for my daughter Ayra and her mother, Habiba. I want her to grow up being able to celebrate Father's Day with joy because of what I have provided for her and having been present without fail,” he explains.

Fathers never give up

Prince Bernard; Photographer

Prince Bernard shares that he spent his childhood raised by his maternal grandmother after his father passed on. His mother was away a lot but made sure she saw him and provided for him, despite everything going on in her life.

“So from her [grandmother], I learnt that whenever life throws stones at you, collect them and build yourself a fort. Being resilient is what made me the man I am today. I am raising my baby boy and trying to make sure I leave the best impression on him so he grows up to become a better person,” he says.

He further added that on this Father's Day, he ponder on the fact that a father is always tired, stressed, trying his best, and above all, he never gives even when nothing is going as planned.

Children have a front-row seat to our behaviour

Albert Edward; Uber Driver

58-year-old Albert Edward says being a father is a tough job that requires patience.

“I'm a single father to a 20-year-old daughter and a 17-year-old son. It's not easy to play both Dad and Mom. I have to make sure they're all taken care of. We all survive on my income alone. I raise them, support them, offer my perspectives, and hope that I provide them with the bright future they'll need to be successful in their lives,” he shares.

Albert further added that, as a father, he often feels scared, sad, and under a lot of pressure.

“That’s why you find us experiencing problems with our physical health and developing alcoholic disorders while battling high levels of stress. As a result, children have a front-row seat to what destructive habits and in turn, they can decide that what they are seeing is the appropriate way to process their pain. It can lead to a child having behavioural problems, struggling with anger, and performing poorly in school. So as a father, I am trying my best to make sure that all of these aren’t happening,” he says.

Break generational curses

Andrew Raphael; Businessman

Andrew Raphael, a businessman based in Ukonga, Dar es Salaam shares that he feels guilty for not staying by his daughter and son, despite being raised by a single mother who he saw struggle to raise him.

Being an absent father was never his dream but sometimes these behaviours become generational bonds and breaking these toxic habits is not easy.

“My dad was the reason and somehow, I became that reason despite being raised by a good-hearted woman. I felt guility leaving my children alone. This is the worst experience and I never planned for things to go this way. Sometimes, I don’t feel proud to be called a dad because I failed them from the start of their lives,” he says.

Wiping tears from his eyes, Andrew further wants to remind all fathers to strive to be there from their child’s first breath.

“It’s really important to nurture our young ones in the early years of their life. Providing them with love and protection, playing with them, and supporting them. It’s hard for all of this to be done by the mother alone and if the father is there, then children will grow better with fewer behavioural issues and a happier family,” he clarifies.

You can’t outrun your responsibilities

Benjamin Charles; Fashion Designer

Msasani-based fashion designer, Benjamin Charles shares that his experience of becoming a father was heavily influence by the upbringing his mother provided for him and his siblings.

“I lost my father before I was born. I came into this world without a father, but the way my mom raised us made me believe that our father was a good and caring man. I do remember once when I protected my little brother from dogs, my mother told me that if my dad was around, he would have been proud of me. Today I have a daughter, and I channel all the care I learnt from my mother to my daughter because I believe if dad was around, he would give me the same treatment as I provide to my daughter,” he says.

He also shared that responsibilities are everywhere and you cannot run from them.

“I always wonder about the men who run away because of the responsibilities. What they don’t know is that it is everywhere; you may run from providing for your child, but their grief will follow you till your last breath,” he added.

According to a research report by the United Nations International Children’s Emergency Fund (UNICEF), when fathers are able to bond with their children from the beginning of their lives, they are more likely to play a more active role in their children’s development and will have better psychological health, self-esteem, and life satisfaction in the long term.

Some of us are lucky to still have our fathers by our side. For those who’ve lost theirs, this day is a painful reminder of the vacuum he left behind, but there is comfort in the knowledge that he will always hold a special place.

Tips to celebrate the day

Gather as a family

We all know how fathers love to spend time with their families. If you have old memories of him, it would be appreciated if you shared them with other members of the family.

Make a meal together

Food is a great way to bring people together and you use the day to prepare a meal with your father.

Reminisce

It’s important that you use this day to remind them how much you appreciate them.

Cherish the fatherly moments because he may not always be around and the memories are all you will have left.

Here’s to all the fathers; we see you and we celebrate you.

Happy Father’s Day!