Co-sleeping across ages: When should children sleep alone?

This intimate ritual, rooted in love and care, represents a culture that transcends borders and generations.

The practice of parents sleeping with their children aged 0–5 is known as co-sleeping. Surprisingly, many parents let their 8–12-year-old children sleep in their beds or in the same room.

For many families, co-sleeping with children aged 0–5 has become a valued practice, symbolising a nurturing relationship. As we take a deeper look at this cultural norm, we discover the many factors involved, the attitudes of parents, and their impact on children's development.

It has been the subject of much debate among parents, paediatricians, and child development experts. This practice, although rooted in culture and the natural need for closeness, raises important issues regarding child safety, emotional development, and family dynamics.

As we examine this issue in depth, it is important to examine the potential benefits, such as strengthened bonds and the ease of breastfeeding at night; as well as the associated risks such as the increased likelihood of moral erosion.

Understanding the challenges associated with co-sleeping will provide a basis for investigating its impact on the health and well-being of young children, as well as the perspectives of parents who believe in this intimate yet seemingly controversial practice.

Parents share with Life&Style some of the many reasons that push them sleep with their children.

Asha Ally, who lives at Kibamba Dar Es Salaam, shares that most parents sleep with their children as they believe it offers protection to their children. 

“We sleep with our children when they are still young to protect them. This is because leaving them alone at times may open them to experience challenges (such as fear) or even injuries and accidents from household appliances,” Asha shares.

Janeth Angelo, who lives in Kibaha, says that economic constraints are one of the reasons parents uphold the practice. She shares that in many homes, there often isn’t enough space for each family member to sleep on their own so parents choose to sleep with the children.

“A family of four members may have a single room which means that they are forced to sleep together since they don’t have the space and rooms to fulfil the actual needs of the family,” Janeth shares.

Nicodem Salum from Manzese also shares that the co-sleeping culture helps to maintain love and closeness among family members, especially parents with their kids.

He says: “We aim to foster the love and closeness within the family but the maximum age for parents to sleep with their child should be 4-years-old, as at this point the strong bond with parents has already been built.”

Ndumbaro Ahmed from Kibaha says that 2 years is enough time for parents to sleep with their children.

“Children learn best through listening and observation so 2 years is enough for parents to sleep with their child,” Ndumbaro says.

However, perceptions in the professional world tend to support this practice only to a certain extent. Psychologists, psychiatrists, child welfare professionals and others also share the pros and cons of co-sleeping between parents and their young ones.

Dr Linah Mabula a sociologist from St Augustine University of Tanzania (SAUT) in Mwanza, shares that the practice of parents sharing rooms or beds with their children has been there for years and has been a way of upholding norms and traditions that have existed for ages. She therefore does not think that it can led to any bad impact for kids below the age of 5 years.

“I don’t think there are disadvantages to sleeping with a child below 5 years, especially if the parents feel that the environment is safe. However, for children above the age of 6 years, it could be problematic as kids begin to develop a better understanding and learning capacity,” she says.

Saldin Kimangale, a psychologist from Somedics Healthcare Polyclinic in Upanga, Dar es Salaam, says that the right age to stop sleeping with a child depends on the traditions and customs of the people, the family system, the number of children and the parents themselves.

“In many non-African societies, from the age 6 months to a year, a child is often trained to sleep on their own, but in many African societies, you find children up to 3-years-old sleeping with their parents. This is to say that there is no universally accepted age that is the right time to stop sleeping with a child,” Kimangale says.

“Sleeping with a child for long periods of time may also stunt their emotional growth, making them fully dependent on their parents and unable to deal with issues such as night-time fears or loneliness,” he adds.

He also adds that when a child begins their potty training, the parents can use this period to transition them and train them to sleep alone.

Father Leons Maziku, a Psychologist from Tabora, shares that it is not appropriate for parents to sleep with their children since it can affect the child’s growth and open them adopting bad behaviours.

He says that children as young as 2-years-old, especially those who live in towns with more exposure seem to have high growth rate. “They can adopt some of their parent’s behaviours by imitation and observation such as when parents fight, argue or get intimate,” he explains.

He advises that by the age of 2, children be moved into their own rooms. He also suggests that the government, through its National Housing Corporation, be able provide affordable housing to the majority of Tanzanians with low incomes to ensure people have access to decent enough homes.

“I think that will help because the biggest challenge in this is financial constraints which fuels limited spaces for sleeping as most parents are living in rental houses,” he shares.

He went on to say the debate around co-sleeping highlights the need for a balance between honouring cultural traditions and adapting to modern parenting needs.

“While co-sleeping offers various benefits, it is crucial for parents to consider their child's developmental needs and their family's circumstances,” Fr Maziku says.

He continues: “Parents should be encouraged to create a safe sleeping environment, whether they choose to co-sleep or have their child sleep independently.”

Additionally, Dr Mabula suggests that education and awareness campaigns can also help parents make informed decisions about co-sleeping.

“By understanding the potential risks and benefits, parents can choose the best approach for their family,” she adds.