How Tanzanian man’s decision to marry three wives on same day is challenging traditional norms

Yengayenga's decision was guided by his faith. Islam permits men to marry up to four women, a Sunnah that Yengayenga sought to fulfill.

His marriages to Fatma Raphael, 30; Mariam Manota, 21; and Asha Pius, 20, were solemnized by the Sheikh of Katavi Region, Mashaka Kakulukulu. Despite the initial shock and skepticism from many, Yengayenga is determined to live in peace and unity with his three wives.

Reflecting on his past, Yengayenga reveals that his journey to this unique marital arrangement began with heartbreak. At 18, he was in a committed relationship with a woman whom he planned to marry. However, their relationship ended due to conflicts and the lack of children, leaving him deeply hurt. He contemplated marrying multiple women to avoid the pain of another separation.

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“I decided that marrying three or four women would prevent all of them from leaving me, ensuring I wouldn't suffer again. It also aligns with the Sunnah of my faith, which allows for up to four wives,” Yengayenga explains.

How he got his wives

After a period of reflection and single life, Yengayenga approached Fatma Raphael, a woman he had previously been in a relationship with, who accepted his proposal. He then sought Asha Pius, a resident of Sumbawanga with whom he had a child. She agreed to the union as well. Finally, he married Mariam Manota from Tabora, completing his intention of having three wives.

“Securing their agreement was the first step. The real challenge was ensuring that our lives together would be harmonious. I thank God I was able to marry all three on the same day, despite the community’s mixed reactions,” he says.

Building a unified family

Post-marriage life began with challenges, as Yengayenga and his wives initially lived in rented houses. They soon moved into a house Yengayenga had previously built. The family faced the task of managing their finances and household logistics collaboratively.

“We began by discussing our situation and pooling our ideas. We focused on starting a business and building a house. Each wife contributed to our joint efforts. One runs a sewing business, another operates a shop, and the third is involved in grain trading. We combine our incomes and work together on our priorities,” Yengayenga details.

This cooperative approach helped the family quickly transition from renting to owning property, and they are currently building another house to ensure each wife has her own space.

Overcoming Challenges

Yengayenga’s approach to managing his multiple marriages involves flexibility. He does not assign specific days for each wife but instead rotates based on mutual understanding and individual preferences. This method has minimized conflicts and helped maintain a peaceful household.

“My wives understand and respect each other. They communicate openly about any issues, and we resolve them together. This approach has been key to our harmonious living,” he explains.

His experience challenges traditional views on polygamy, showing that it can be managed successfully with understanding and mutual respect. He advises others in or entering into marriages to maintain faithfulness, as this has been crucial to his family’s stability.

Asha, Yengayenga’s second wife, notes that their situation defies conventional expectations. “I used to think that a happy marriage meant having just one wife, but we live harmoniously with three. Our husband values us all, and we support each other,” she says.

Mariam Manota, the third wife, echoes this sentiment. “We’ve found happiness in our unique arrangement. While some may judge us for marrying multiple wives, we’re building a strong family. It’s better than living alone, which can lead to many challenges as one ages,” she adds.