Operation child protector; Boosting safety for kids

We officially live is one little village. Everyone has access to everyone. Lifestyles dictate how exposed we are and in our era, the exposure is extreme.

It’s mind-boggling how we say that some things need to stay private yet our lives are governed by gadgets.

As adults, we are more inclined to be cautious and aware of the dangers found lurking behind the many corners of this world; physically, psychologically and digitally.

I remember my mother telling me the world is a big, scary place and the young me had no way of truly grasping this.

Now I look at my son, my nieces and nephews and I have little anxiety attacks every time they move up a milestone.

For example sending my son to school at three was terrifying but not as terrifying as when I heard my niece was travelling to South Africa for a school trip and she was just five years old at the time.

Now they spend time on gadgets which is another universe on its own. Thanks to a global pandemic, kids have to do more screen and internet time than many discerning parents would have liked.

Children are a lot more vulnerable than we are. Their naivety and innocence makes them such easy targets. This extends even those who are expected to care for them in schools, parks and even homes.

In a recent shocking wave of occurrences, an undercover child sex sting in Florida led to the arrests of over a dozen predators, including three Disney World employees and a registered nurse.

The ‘Operation Child Protector’ was a six-day long undercover investigation which focused on those who prey upon children online which resulted in 17 suspects being arrested.

They are at risk in their homes, designated parks and hospitals. Child predators come in all shapes, form and size and we are at a point where we are forced to open up safety dialogues with our children much earlier than previous generations did.

Their safety lessons are no longer ‘look left, look right and then left again before you cross the road’. Instead, we now have to have conversations about what to do when someone makes you feel uncomfortable or how do you raise alarm when that uncle that mommy trusts so much touches you where he shouldn’t and tells you not to say anything.

Initially, so much of these conversations were geared towards the girl child for the very obvious reasons that they are more vulnerable and the frequently targeted victims and the boy child so often left to his own devices.

As an adult, I have met a fair number of grown men who were put in uncomfortable situations growing up but had no way of speaking out because nobody taught them that it was wrong.

One gentleman narrates how his mother’s female friend always lingered whenever she hugged him before he even entered his teen years.

He explains that it took his current wife’s pyscho-analysis for him to actually admit that those many incidents may have, in part, played a role to how he objectified women.

Now, since danger lurks behind pretty much any corner, conversations about who to trust, who to call in case of trouble, where to run to if you feel threatened and who to talk to have become a mandatory and many parents and caregivers are learning to open these communication channels a lot earlier than they thought they would.

As a mother of three girls, Mrs Catherine Chekani says she’s had to create an environment that makes her daughters feel safe enough to talk to her about anything. “I am raising my kids first and foremost in a Christian home but I also teach them to be aware of the dangers out there,” she explains.

She has made it a point and routine to set time aside to speak to her kids every day and listen to their stories, complaints and questions. “As I listen to their stories, I engage them to get their understanding of situations, their reasoning and justification and use their experiences as basis to teach them safety issues,” she says.

Like any parent, she teaches them to identify good and bad behaviours and values and then gives them room to form their own definitions of such based on their understanding because she believes it will help them make better decisions.

“I know they are taught different issues at school such as abuse or bullying, what to do and not do but I always like to hear their individual understandings of these issues and then ask them questions like who will you run to first if someone did something bad to you?”

This helps set the foundation for them not to stay quiet when something happens and instead, look for help as soon as possible.

“I also emphasize to them never to be in isolation or move around unaccompanied even at school,” she adds.

To ensure the kids have a fighting chance, she and her husband had the girls memorise their phone numbers in case of emergencies.

This has paid off because her second born recently found herself stranded and lost and she followed her parent’s teachings to stay safe.

“We have taught them never to be isolated or find help from isolated strangers. Rather, we taught them to run to the nearest crowd of people and ask for help and that was exactly what my daughter did that day so I was able to go and get her safely,” she narrates.

Even though societies differ, some things still stay predominantly the same. “As you know, my kids are all girls so I have to teach them the right way to dress and why certain looks attract the wrong kind of attention,” says Catherine.

Lessons learnt

Say it early, often, and very clearly

Tell your child: “Never go with anyone unless you come and ask me.” Or, “I will tell you ahead of time if you’re going with anyone other than me.”

Talk about “tricky people”

The idea of strangers can be confusing for some kids and some unsafe people are, unfortunately, people your kids actually know or see on a regular basis.

One way to explain who to watch out for is by talking about “tricky people.” When your child is young, say, “Most people are pretty good. But some people have problems and they’re not so good. It’s my job to protect you from them.”

As kids get older, though, start to mention that they are in charge of their safety, too. And if they ever feel like someone, whether they know the person or not, is tricky, they can come to you to talk about it.

Be specific

Explain to your child some of the uncomfortable things unsafe people may do.

For instance, they may pay a lot of attention to kids and even give them presents. They may be physical with kids even when kids ask them to stop.

Unsafe people may also use inappropriate words to comment on how kids look. And unsafe strangers may ask a child for directions or to help them look for something, like a lost dog.

Role-play

Make sure your child knows it’s okay to say no to people. It doesn’t matter if your child knows the person or not.

First, talk through what your child can do in situations that involve strangers. For example, what if the a stranger at the mall asks your child to carry something out to his car?

Then, act out and role-play the situations that involve people your child may know, too. In other words, what if an unfamiliar neighbour invites your child in for a snack? Or if a relative keeps asking your child for “hugs and kisses”?

Make kids the “boss” of their body

It’s crucial to tell kids that no one is allowed to touch their body in a way that makes them uncomfortable. That especially goes for bathing suit areas.

If your child has to have physical exams with a doctor, attend the appointment and ask the doctor to explain what they’re doing, to give more meaning to the exam.

Many paediatricians and doctors will make a note to mention how kids are the “boss” of their bodies at each annual physical exam.

Give simple steps for scary situations

Have a list of steps your child can take the moment an uncomfortable situation happens. If your child is feeling weird at all, the following steps are appropriate:

Step 1: Loudly say, “NO!”

Step 2: Run away. Some Kids may not be used to being allowed to run from adults. Emphasize how important this is.

Step 3: Find a trusted adult. If your child is out in public and can’t find you, tell your child to look for a mom who has kids with her.

Talk about online stranger safety

Personal safety extends to your child’s digital life, too, starting at ever-younger ages. It’s important to teach kids what’s appropriate and inappropriate online, where it can sometimes feel like anything is allowed.

Create and instil boundaries where technology is concerned. Learn more about how to protect your child against online predators.

Keep the safety conversations going

Personal safety isn’t something to just bring up once with your child. It needs to be part of regular, calm discussions. Start when your child is very young, and get more detailed in discussions as your child gets older.

Even though parents play the biggest role in ensuring their child’s safety, this is a community-wide responsibility.

What do you do when you observe that a child may be in danger? How do you help in a manner that will allow the child to see that you really are trying to help?

Digital safety initiatives

After the Florida arrests, Apple released a statement that they will be scanning their devices for images of child pornography before photos are stored into the cloud account of a particular device.

Although the announcement raised concerns about invasion of privacy and more, it is on its own accord, a beacon of hope for digital safety for kids.

This software will only work for devices in the USA but this has set a precedent for other digital companies and platforms to figure out how to help boost child safety on the internet.

As parents, we will teach our children to avoid chats with strangers online or never to share their names, ages or where they live with people online.

We will also monitor their social media presence for those who have allowed their kids access to social media and we will avoid sharing photos that may expose our children and bring unwanted attention.

However, this task is and should be a two street effort and companies need to play a bigger and more influential role in protecting minors online.