Why Tanzanian young men’s falling in romantic relationships with older women is a growing social dilemma

In response, Vice President Dr Philip Mpango recently called for research to understand the underlying causes.

But as authorities scramble to understand this trend, experts are already pointing to the root: the changing dynamics in family structures and a generation of young men raised in environments where they witness women carrying much of the familial burden.

Parenting shifts

Bishop Jackson Sostenes of the Anglican Church in Dar es Salaam suggests that the problem lies within today’s parenting structures.

According to Bishop Sostenes, many boys grow up watching their mothers take on responsibilities traditionally shouldered by men, leading them to believe that such arrangements are the norm.

“Many young men see their mothers doing everything, forming a mental image that this is how things should be,” he explains.

Today, around 65 percent of Tanzanian families reportedly have women as the primary breadwinners.

In pursuit of financial stability, many women join savings and credit groups or take out high-interest loans, leaving men out of the equation and young boys with few male role models demonstrating responsibility and self-sufficiency.

This shift, Sostenes warns, could have profound social implications.

“The result is a society filled with males who lack the attributes of men—they fail to shoulder the responsibilities expected of them,” he says, adding that if the trend continues, society may end up with a generation of dependent men who are seen as “sperm donors” rather than contributors.

The founder of the Tanzania Boys & Men’s Ambassadors (TBMA), Dr Katanta Simwanza, echoes Bishop Sostenes’ concerns, citing parenting as a major factor in young men’s misplaced priorities.

He believes that inadequate parental guidance has created a cohort of young men who are unable to distinguish between what they should and should not do.

This vulnerability, he says, has led many young men to develop reckless habits, including pursuing older women who can provide financial stability.

“This dependence changes the traditional power dynamics, as the older woman, with her financial independence, becomes the decision-maker. This leaves the young man reliant and devoted to maintaining the relationship rather than pursuing his ambitions,” says Dr Simwanza, who warns of the potential mental and health consequences of such dynamics.

The young men often engage in unsafe sexual practices to please their partners, putting themselves at risk for sexually transmitted infections, including HIV.

Unemployment

While parenting plays a significant role, many point to Tanzania’s employment crisis as another factor fueling this trend.

A secondhand clothes vendor in Mbagala Mathayo Kihwelo, says job scarcity has left many young men with limited options.

"Life is hard for educated youth. If an auntie takes a liking to you, you stay with her because she has money, making life easier,” he says.

The lack of economic opportunity forces many young men into these relationships, seeing older women as a lifeline in tough economic conditions.

For young men like John Marley from Kimara, older women become not only romantic partners but economic anchors.

“The government should create jobs for us instead of telling us things that don’t help,” Marley says.

However, not all young men see these relationships as purely financial arrangements.

Jasper Joel, a barber in Chamazi, believes that relationships with “aunties” can offer emotional relief from the pressures and “drama” associated with dating peers.

“It’s not just about money. Some of us don’t like the hassle from girls our age. An auntie offers stability—no drama, just care,” Joel explains.

Cultural shift and moral decay?             

Religious leaders are concerned that this trend reflects a deeper cultural and moral erosion.

A prominent Islamic leader, Sheikh Khamis Mataka, views the trend as a moral crisis.

According to him, young men are meant to be courageous individuals who not only work for their families but also contribute to the nation’s prosperity.

When young men instead choose personal comfort over family and societal duty, Mataka says, it indicates a fundamental shift in values.

“Young people are known for their knowledge, strength, and creativity,” Sheikh Mataka notes.

“They are supposed to be champions of family and national welfare. But when a young man only thinks about his own needs, he will sacrifice his dignity for quick rewards.”

Mataka warns that this dependency mindset, if not addressed, could impact the nation’s development.

Dependent individuals contribute little, leaving the responsibility to women and older family members.

The Risk of single-parent families

The issue could also lead to an increase in single-parent households, particularly if these young men struggle with dependency even after establishing their own families.

Bishop Sostenes worries that the impact of this pattern may linger if not promptly addressed.

“When a dependent young man eventually marries and has children, he might continue with the same mindset. If his wife becomes the main breadwinner, the marriage might fall apart when she grows weary of bearing all responsibilities,” he warns.

A path forward: Addressing dependency

To tackle this emerging trend, Bishop Sostenes and other religious leaders suggest targeted efforts to re-engage young men with productive roles and responsibilities.

Bishop Sostenes calls for the same energy and resources that have been used to empower young women to now support young men in need of economic opportunities.

“We did so much to uplift the girl child. Now, let’s shift some of that focus to the boy child,” he says.

He suggests that financial programs and opportunities be extended to young men, acknowledging that economic hardship is a core issue.

Without such interventions, he warns, Tanzanian society risks becoming one that lacks self-awareness and independence, as the burden of familial responsibility increasingly falls on women.

Sheikh Mataka encourages religious leaders, parents, and the broader community to stand against this trend of dependency, calling it a societal ill that needs urgent addressing.

He sees a need to instill values of self-reliance and duty among young men before the situation worsens.

As the debate continues, Tanzanian society faces a critical moment to redefine expectations and responsibilities, especially for its young men.

The call for action is clear, but the journey to reshape a generation’s mindset and values remains a significant challenge.