'After I Do' by Taylor Jenkins proves that the grass is greener where you water it

By Jane Shussa

Marriage is believed to be an achievement in many cultures, especially for women. When one is married, they are afforded the respect that would not be given otherwise.

Yes, marriage is good and important, even because it can provide the companionship that humans crave. But are we all destined to find the one, get married, and live happily ever after? 

After I Do is a book that will leave you thinking about fate, marriage, family, and all that there is to life—love.

In this book, Taylor Jenkins tells a tale about losing love and finding it where you lost it. It follows two married people, Lauren and Ryan. It starts with them arguing about something that does not make sense because that is what they have been doing in their marriage.

They argue about what to eat, where, or if they should eat. They argue about who calls the landlord to get the hot water fixed. They argue for the fact that they are arguing.

One night, during their usual arguments, they discussed the underlying issue of their endless arguments.

“We are not fighting about the hot water. Or the Dodger Stadium parking lot. We are fighting because we do not know how to be happy. We are fighting because we are not happy. We are fighting because we no longer make each other happy.”

That night, things that would not have happened otherwise were said and done. This is the night they realised that the love they thought would move mountains could only do so much. They decided they no longer worked, so they went their separate ways for a year to experience life without each other.

While this happens, Jenkins brings us back to their college life, where their love was true, young, and pure. They could not stand being mad at each other for a second.

Ryan and Lauren’s marriage is the kind that everyone refers to when they talk about a happy and loving marriage. It is a marriage that makes Lauren’s mother feel like she has done something with her life. One of her proudest things as a mother is seeing her daughter live in a happy marriage that she didn’t experience.

Marriage, or any other relationship, requires two people to keep working and make the case for why the other person should keep choosing to keep them.

When your marriage does not turn out how you wanted it to, you may ask yourself many questions to understand what went wrong. Lauren does this when she asks herself what happened to them.

“What happened to us? I can hear a voice in my head, speaking crisply and clearly. I don’t love him anymore…That is why I can't stand all the things I used to stand. Ryan and I are two people who used to be in love.”

Like any other relationship, marriage stops working when one stops doing what one did at the beginning of the relationship. People often say, “He changed when we got married or started our relationship. Things were never the same anymore.” This usually happens when we take our loved ones for granted, thinking they will never leave.

Who is there to help you pick up the pieces when your life shatters? Taylor highlights the importance of family in our lives. These people will be there at the end of it all.

This might not be the case for everyone, but it is the case for Lauren. Her family is there to ensure Lauren does not feel alone during her break from her husband.

Lauren’s grandmother significantly brings in the old-fashioned love she and her husband experienced together. She believes things have changed, but love will always stay the same, and marriage is about loyalty and commitment.

Lauren's question reminds us to care for things and people while we still have them. “Why do we do this? Why do we undervalue things when we have them? Why is it only when we are on the verge of losing something that we see how much we need it?

After I Do is a painful book that makes you question marriage and your reasons for wanting it. But simultaneously, it reminds you that marriage is beautiful.

It requires work and commitment, and, most importantly, you must keep choosing your partner daily. It reminds you that marriage is a verb, and so is love.

It is a book for anyone looking to get into marriage or who is in it and perhaps struggling. It is a book for those in happy marriages because it reminds them of what they must do to keep the marriage happy and fulfilling.

Jane Shussa is passionate about books, coffee, nature, and travel. She serves as a Senior Digital Communications Officer for Twaweza East Africa.