Is your relationship healthy or toxic?

No matter how old you are, how much you earn, or how bright, independent or attractive you may be, no one is immune to a toxic relationship. In an ideal world, the warning signs would be evident from the start.

But the longer you spend in a toxic relationship, the more difficult it becomes to see what might be obvious to those who care about you.

It is easy to focus on the characteristics that drew you to this person in the first place, the physical chemistry, the sense of humour, and the good times that you have shared.

Maybe you’ve invested so much of yourself in the relationship, including your pride, that even acknowledging thatthere are problems seems to be too painful to contemplate.

I often hear young men pinching themselves for not noticing earlier that their partner’s behaviour was inconsiderate, ultra critical, or even abusive. It seems easier to hold onto the hope that they will change or you will change.

If this sounds familiar, ask yourself if any or all of these statements apply to your situation:

• No matter what you do, it’s never good enough.

• You are often put down or made fun of in private and/or in public.

• Your partner’s words and actions don’t match up.

• It’s all about them.

• You find your self-esteem deteriorating over time.

• You can’t relax and be yourself when spending time together.

• Your thoughts, feelings and opinions are overlooked and/or undervalued.

• You find yourself worrying all the time and upset over your relationship.

• You don’t feel like you have much control over your own life.

Even when it becomes obvious that the relationship is toxic and if the statements above are all too true, it’s not always easy to take the first step towards getting out. Don’t let this become another reason to beat up on yourself for being “weak.”

Once you have identified that you have a toxic relationship in your life, there are specific steps that you can use to confront this family member or friend in a graceful, loving way.

Your goal is not necessarily to cut off the relationships; but it’s to set boundaries. If you feel the relationship can be healed, your first step should be to tell your friends the truth about how their behaviour is affecting you and then give them time to improve.