Why trust matters more than likeability

Recently, I had the pleasure of celebrating the promotion of a dear friend- Victor, and although I’m not involved in his professional world, I feel that his promotion is well deserved.

Yet, during one of our cosy chats, as I wiped crumbs of a cookie off my face, I couldn’t wipe out the realisation that he frequently spoke of his wish to be well-liked over and over again.

I’m no expert in psychology but it struck me that perhaps this repeated longing for approval might be a sign of people-pleasing. So this article is dedicated to Victor and other professionals who may struggle with people-pleasing while in a leadership position. 

As a leader, it’s natural to desire to be well-liked, but the question arises: Should we place a higher value on being liked or on being trusted? In my opinion, overcoming the urge to people please is essential for effective leadership.

While it’s natural to want to be liked and to seek approval from others, prioritising people-pleasing can undermine your authority and hinder your ability to make tough, necessary decisions. Trust is often more critical than likeability.

A leader’s role involves setting clear expectations, providing constructive feedback, and sometimes making choices that may not be popular but are in the best interest of the team and organisation.

To foster trust over likability, consider these mindset shifts:

Let go of others' perception of you. Embrace the inevitability of failure and looking "bad," both for yourself and your team. Allowing room for mistakes and being open about them is crucial for growth. Learning from these setbacks, rather than fearing them, can create an environment where innovation can thrive.

By extending the same grace to others, you encourage your team to take risks and fail quickly, learning from those experiences to adapt and improve. This approach not only accelerates development but also builds a culture of trust and resilience, where everyone feels supported.

Focus on the goodness in people: Highlight and appreciate the strengths of those around you. This practice, known as spontaneous trait transference, means acknowledging your colleagues' positive virtues authentically and speaking on them.

This helps build a respectful and encouraging environment as well as your professional brand. What you say about others reflects on you, so ensure your praise is genuine as people can always sense inauthenticity from afar.

Rise above toxicity. Choose to remain considerate even amid gossip. An example is if an employee says, “Mwanaidi really threw George under the bus today. She acts like she knows it all! That’s not how you should treat people…” you can respond with, “My interactions with Mwanaidi have always been productive and positive. Maybe she’s having a stressful day; I think I should check in on her.”

This response addresses the situation without engaging in negativity and demonstrates resilience and a positive approach. It reflects well on you and helps reinforce a supportive work environment.

Embrace conflict courageously: You may not like to hear this but - avoid being conflict-averse. Disagreements and misunderstandings are inevitable in both life and business. Confronting these issues head-on with a willingness to resolve them demonstrates strong leadership.

Addressing conflicts directly highlights your commitment to open communication and being resolution-oriented. This approach clarifies expectations and reinforces your role as a fair and approachable leader.

The main takeaway is that effective leadership requires more than being liked—it demands courage, integrity, and the ability to develop a growth-oriented environment.

As a leader focus less on yourself and how you might be perceived and more so on how you can empower your team and lead the way to meaningful progress. You’ve got this! 

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