Gosh! Getting to know you!

In 1812, Napoleon invaded Russia with about 600,000 men and over 50,000 horses. He planned to conclude the war within 20 days. Just in case things didn’t go according to plan, he had his supply wagons carry 30 days’ worth of food. The reality, however, turned out to be far different.

Napoleon’s plan was a disastrous miscalculation, marked by a lack of knowledge. He underestimated the logistical challenges of the vast Russian landscape, the scorched-earth tactics, and the harsh winter conditions. These missteps ultimately led to the near-extinction of the French Imperial Army, known as the Grande Armée.

Similarly, knowing your prospective spouse well before marriage is crucial for building a strong, lasting relationship. It allows for open communication, shared values, and an understanding of each other's needs and expectations, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling and successful marriage. To make your marriage work, you need to know the following about your partner:

Knowing his or her beliefs: This is crucial because shared values and beliefs form the foundation of a strong relationship, influencing everything from daily life to major decisions and future goals. Do you share core beliefs? Are there potential conflicts in the areas of worship and faith?

Knowing his or her background: Family background significantly shapes a person's values, beliefs, and communication styles, all of which are vital to a successful relationship. Our habits often come naturally from what we observed growing up. Partly, it’s a matter of training and adopting new customs and cultures.

Knowing his or her interests: This is vital for building a strong, fulfilling relationship because shared interests foster connection, understanding, and shared experiences, leading to a more harmonious and satisfying partnership. Do you know your partner's interests? What are their likes and dislikes? The best way to learn about someone is to spend time with them, talking, listening, sharing, and observing how they respond to different life situations.

Knowing their temperament: Understanding a spouse’s temperament, as well as our own, gives insight into specific needs, strengths, weaknesses, and tendencies. It helps you understand how they communicate, how they express anger, and what communication styles work best. So, what's their personality? Are they introverted or extroverted? Is this person more of a feeler or a thinker?

Knowing his or her attitude: This is something you need to find out early. What is their attitude toward the opposite sex, money, work, children, etc.? Spending time together, going out for meals and having meaningful conversations will give you valuable insights. You won’t come up empty-handed.

Finally, Napoleon's invasion of Russia lasted six months, far more than expected, and ended with a retreat. Marriage is a complex venture; calculate carefully. It’s a lifelong journey. Napoleon used a one-size-fits-all approach. He had won many battles before, but he underestimated Russia. Every country is unique. Every person is unique as well. That’s why we must take time to truly know our prospective spouses.

Amani Kyala is a Counsellor, Teacher and Writer,  [email protected],  0626 512 144.