Here are WM’s pick of 2024 resolutions

Like everybody else, this man from the slopes of Mount Kamwala is looking forward to making things better for himself and those with whom he shares a roof in 2024.

It means, my New Year Resolutions entail a determination to work harder, for I suspect I’ll be earning much less than I used to in 2023.

Those I toil for are inexplicably getting meaner and meaner. But, then, since life must go on, I won’t give up, since, as the Waswahili say, the hand that works must ensure there’s something it can carry to the mouth. Mkono uende kinywani.

Now this being a “grocery” column, yours truly is obliged to share his New Year Resolutions in regard to his sustenance as a grocery patron. Here we go…

• One, I’ll remain faithful to my chosen lager brand of the 330ml variety. As it has been my tradition over the years, I’ll limit my intake to three bottles per session. Well, an extra bottle or two beyond any man’s usual limit has never killed anyone, so if someone generous such as Ndugu Daudi, Ndugu Esaya or Uncle Kich “forces” me to have one for the road, I’ll grudgingly (ha!) oblige;
• Two, I’ll continue taking my beer straight from the bottle—trumpet style—the idea being to make my ka-bottle last longer;
• Three, I’ll now and then go for the distilled variety and being a traditionalist and a patriot, I’ll insist on the Kasichana, i.e. the 200ml size of the good old locally made brand that markets itself as Spirit of the Nation;
• Four, the counter will remain my favourite place in any pub, especially in the ones where virtually all regular patrons know me. Why, the counter provides one with an escape from drinkers who might influence one to drink more than one’s desired amount and spend above one’s miserly budget. Since I’m more of a gentleman than I may look, sharing a table of, say, five, will force me to buy five bottles when my turn to do the necessary comes. That, for an essentially three-beer man, is tantamount to committing financial suicide!
• Five, I’ll play deaf to praise singers who are apt to introduce me to fellow patrons as a VIP journalist who writes earthshaking, award-winning stories, the idea being to make me big-headed so that I stupidly buy him and others.  You see, some of these praise singers are just fibbers who don’t even read the newspaper I toil for—actually, they’re fellows who never read newspapers at all!
• Last but not least, I’ll remain faithful to the importance of having a drink at places where a man can socialise, meet old friends and maybe, make new ones. My better (!) half’s advice that I drink while seated beside her at home as we watch TV will continue to be ignored kabisa.

POSTSCRIPT

Have a happy New Year, dear reader; and please make sure you drink responsibly—WA MUYANZA

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