How to get over post-wedding blues
What you need to know:
For months, you looked forward to your wedding day. In your dreams, you a great wedding that would be crowned by a blissful honeymoon.
For months, you looked forward to your wedding day. In your dreams, you a great wedding that would be crowned by a blissful honeymoon.
On your big day, things turned out in your favour. However, in the days following your wedding, you have found yourself sinking deep in the sea of post-nuptial blues.
According to Dr. Chris Hart, a psychologist based in Nairobi, you are not alone. Post-wedding blues may not evade you even if you have been with your partner for years prior to taking your vows. “Getting married creates a huge shift in your relationship. Suddenly, every little disagreement feels scarier especially in the first few months,” he says, adding that you should be well prepared to feel blue after getting back from your honeymoon. How do you cope? Know the symptoms: According to Dr. Jane Greer, the author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship, these may include profound sadness, feelings of loneliness, boredom or isolation.
“Newly-weds may sometimes experience post nuptial blues as a loss of energy once the thrill that preceded the wedding and that occurred during the wedding and honeymoon is over,” she says. Planning: Although your schedule and plans will be preoccupied by your wedding, take care not to forget planning your post-wedding life.
Lack of planning a trigger
According to Susan Gacheru, a family therapist based in Nakuru, lack of planning is the trigger that sets many brides on the path to post-wedding blues.
“Before the wedding, you occupy your whole emotional, physical and spiritual schedule with your upcoming wedding such that after the wedding and the honeymoon, you are left empty.
You have nothing to fall back on,” she says. “Ensure you make your wedding the beginning of a new chapter in your life rather than the end goal. This will help you avoid getting blue or even getting bored by your new union.”
Expectations: According to Dr. Hart, you should make yourselves clear on your expectations of each other, especially on things you’re likely to argue about over the few months following your wedding. “These include how you spend your time, dividing up household chores, money and your friends.”
Apparently, he cautions, a minute issue like making tea in the morning could escalate if you don’t take caution.
Return to work: Take care not to rush straight back to work after your honeymoon. According to Alison Moir-Smith, author and creator of the Happy Bride’s Secret Toolkit video series, taking a few extra days at home will aid you in easing the transition into your marriage. “It will be hard for you to go from your wedding in which you were the centre of attention, followed by your exciting honeymoon as a newlywed couple, and back to the routine of everyday life where you’re just part of the pack,” she cautions.
Friends: Cut your list of friends and retain only those who will help you and your spouse stay together happily. According to Mrs. Gacheru, you will need to quietly get rid of friends and associates that could lead you into trouble. This may come in handy when fears on your position in your new marriage start to pop up causing you to question whether getting married was a sound decision. Mrs. Gacheru further notes that once you identify the friends you need to keep, you will need to sometimes intentionally create opportunities for you to spend time together.
Talk to your partner: Do not be afraid that you will appear too vulnerable or that your partner will feel emotionally insulted if you reveal your letdown feelings. On the contrary, he or she may be harbouring the same feelings. Bear in mind that sharing your feelings in a mature and compassionate manner could be the key to building a firm ground for intimate and open conversations.
According to Dr. Hart, keep remembering the happy moments you’ve had so far, the romance and the promises you’ve made to each other.
Further, according to Amie Gordon, the author of Between You and Me, letting your partner know that you are feeling let down after your wedding festivities can take the blame off him and allow him space to be supportive.
