Married couples' moments in the mirror

Last week, my colleague Jessica brought a profound leadership book called The Trail. We got the book from its author, Jonathan Ndali.

As Jessica read the first chapter, she found a topic titled A Moment in the Mirror. The mirror, in this journey, serves as an unbiased tool reflecting our true selves and freedom from pretence.

The journey towards self-discovery is a path filled with honesty, introspection, and sometimes uncomfortable truths. In the pursuit of understanding ourselves better, the mirror reveals who we are, what we want, and where we aim to be.

Couples can take moments in the mirror as a reality check to enhance awareness and provide the solutions needed. Ndali, in this eye-dripping book, names this check as DPTC, Diagnose, Prognose, Treat, and Check.

Diagnosis: Diagnosis is research done on the patient to determine the disease, disorder, or condition affecting the patient. Couples need to examine what's affecting them.

Is it bad character? Lack of emotional intelligence? "A problem well-stated is a problem half-solved," said Charles Kettering, Head of Research at General Motors.

Prognosis: After diagnosis, the second stage is called prognosis; it's a prediction of the cause of the diagnosed disease and the determination of the treatment.

Here, you see how likely or unlikely a patient will recover and the chances of recurrence. This is a crucial stage in the reality-checking process.

Similarly, in our marriages or relationships, we need to know what causes problems or trouble, and then determine the treatment plan. This process needs a lot of reflection and analysis.

For instance, sadness or a lack of motivation can be intrinsically caused by a nagging, unappreciative attitude, complaining, or selfishness.

Treatment: This is a stage when you begin treating the problem by highlighting the options presented. In marriage, this is a process that requires the renewal of the mindset, character, or even personality.

Jonathan has magnificently mentioned what Albert Einstein said: "You can't solve the problem with the same mind that created it." Lovers need to acquire new skills, interact with other couples, read books, or even visit new places for exposure.

Check: During the check process, Ndali says, one needs to reflect and ask themselves, “How am I doing? How has the process been? Tough? Tiring? Did I feel like quitting? Am I willing to go through the same process over and over again whenever I feel there's a problem?" As a couple, see whether the problem has been solved.

Learning: Couples need to keep learning, keep improving, and keep growing. When you stop learning, you stop growing. When you stop growing, you die. Therefore, keep learning.

Finally, how has the moment in the mirror been for you as a couple? As we said earlier, this is a journey towards self-discovery, a path filled with honesty, introspection, and sometimes uncomfortable truth. The mirror offers an unbiased journey to reflect our true selves and freedom from pretence or illusion.

Amani Kyala is a counsellor, writer, and teacher, 0626 512 144.