Reaching relationship efficacy: The hapax and the mallon

The honey badger is renowned as the world’s most fearless animal because it doesn’t hesitate to attack animals much larger than itself—even lions and crocodiles! Honey badgers live in burrows in the ground. The honey badger looks a bit like a skunk, flattened body with short, strong legs. Its long claws on the front feet are used for digging and defence.

Its hair is thick and coarse, mostly black, with a wide grey-white stripe that stretches across its back from the top of the head to the tip of the tail. It also has a gland at the base of its tail that stores a stinky liquid. If it is frightened or threatened, it drops a “stink bomb.”

Whether you are just starting in marriage or have been married for 40 years, the following relationship principles still apply. They're so real. Just like the way honey badgers are not intimidated by any predator, we shouldn’t allow life situations to diminish our love.

Let's begin with the hapax practice:

Once-for-all solid commitment - hapax: The great philosopher Socrates once wrote, “By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you will become very happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” Yeah, that sounds good, but even more profound is the ability to stick to the once-for-all decision—"till death do us part."

Marriage is a commitment for life, a promise to give the best, a commitment to find the best in your partner and to bring out the best in each other. Marriage offers opportunities to share and grow in such a way no other human relationship can do. This commitment is once and for all—hapax.

Let me now share the mallon:

Again-and-again practices—mallon:  The Greek word as used here means more and more. We vowed to love and honour each other daily. Therefore, as long as we both live, we want to maintain some practices that will bring out the best love qualities every morning and every evening. We want to live by these vows every day.

Affirming each other daily allows us to remind ourselves as lovers that we're thankful to God that we're so committed to helping each other to grow and become satisfied.

Like the honey badger, let's practice loving actions fearlessly and relentlessly. Let's hug, kiss, hold hands, and generally show physical affection regularly. Can we make intimacy a thoughtful priority? Yes, we can.

Lastly, there is no other magic “secret” to a happy marriage. Life is difficult; children are wonderful but challenging, and obviously, nobody is perfect. But let's relentlessly practice kindness, deep connection, deep conversation, and affirmation. Commitment is once and for all, but loving practices need to be more and more.

Amani Kyala is a counsellor, writer, and teacher; 0626 512 144.