What reasons most likely cause divorce

Dar es Salaam. What do you hate the most about your marriage partner among these things: violence, cheating, arguing, negligence towards children, consuming alcohol or drugs, or not communicating?

These are some of the reasons that cause conflicts and lead to divorce or separation between wife and husband, but the importance of these factors differs between men and women, the area of residence, and even the location.

According to National Bureau of Statistics (NBS) research, the majority of men (54.2 percent) mentioned that a man is entitled to divorce or separate from his wife if she cheats on him, while 50.8 percent of women believed so.

In a recent report titled The Social Institutions and Gender Index (SIGI) Tanzania Survey Report 2021, Tanzanians mentioned other reasons for divorce or separation as not making enough money, sexual dissatisfaction, infertility, giving birth to children of single sex, severe illness or disability, and a change of feelings about each other.

However, while men rate cheating as the leading reason for divorce, the situation is different for the majority of women, who fear violence from their husbands.

The report indicates that 61.5 percent of women stated that a woman is entitled to be divorced or separated if a husband is violent, while 59.8 percent of men also have the same belief.

On the other side, 50.7 percent of the population in Zanzibar indicates that a woman is entitled to a divorce or separation whenever she cheats her husband.

Psychologists and ordinary citizens say men cannot tolerate cheating because it disturbs their egos and because societies have built men to be the head of everything.

“I have personally told my wife that having a secret relationship with another man is an unforgivable offence that will automatically lead to divorce, no matter how long we have been married,” said Mr. Daniel Shao, a resident of Kigogo in Dar es Salaam.

According to him, men can forgive a number of mistakes committed by their spouses, noting however that betrayal wasn’t among them.

“That could be among the reasons for increasing cases of killings that are linked to love affairs,” he said.

This is on the contrary to the women who are said to be the believers of peace, therefore they are not ready to withstand incidents of violence, harassment and torture.

A resident of Temeke in the city, Ms. Juliana Ulaya, said biologically, women are not people of violence, noting that they can only tolerate it for a short time.

“Experience has shown that many women have remained in their marriages even after discovering that their partners (husbands) have another woman outside,” she said.

“Most of the women will give their husbands the opportunity for discussion.” “Only a few of them will split up,” she said.

Another Dar es Salaam resident who preferred anonymity said he personally would not consider divorcing his cheating wife.

“Although this is a decision which will remain in my heart, but having three children with her, she has now progressed from being a lover to a real friend of my life,” he said.

“Our marriage is no longer protected by the way we make love; rather, it is because of the way we collectively put together ideas and income generation efforts for the benefit of our family,” he added.

However, a psychologist from the Hubert Kairuki Memorial University (HKMU), Ms. Nadia Ahmed, said men are driven by ego, noting that once it is disturbed, they don’t tolerate.

She said men believe that the love they get from their wives is in danger once shared with another person, making it difficult for them to forgive a cheating wife.

“For women to cheat, it takes time to share affection, but for men it is different. They are led by immediate feelings. “They also feel that a sense of being the family head is leaving him,” she said.

For his part, a counsellor from the Tanzania Marriage and Children Care Foundation (TaMCare), Dr. Enock Mlyuka, said betrayal wasn’t allowed among marriage partners.

He said both men and women share the same pain of betrayal whenever a partner cheats, noting, however, that men have been believing that they have the right to cheat and get forgiveness.

“Some outdated traditions in some tribes have worsened the situation because they believe that men are not doing wrong.” This has led to finding that cheating wasn’t a great deal. The same is dealt with serious attention once committed by a woman,” said Dr Mlyuka.

“Cheating is just cheating, regardless of the offender in the marriage,” he added.