‘See it, Say it!’ Can help end child neglect happening around us

Child upbringing is one of the things that are changing at a fast pace in the Tanzanian context today. Two decades and more in the past, parenting used to be a shared responsibility of all adults in the society, which was practically narrowed down to all adults present where a child is at a given time.

These adults were allowed to correct, give advice, warn, and, where necessary, punish a child in view of making him or her a better person in society. But with time, the parenting responsibility of child upbringing has been abandoned to the parents or direct guardians due to the social dynamics of the time.

Many adults see and notice a lot of bad conduct and potential for bad or even criminal behaviour in children, but they do not interfere. Worse still, many adults notice poor parenting styles from parents and guardians, but they choose to hold back and say nothing. It is the latter that will be the centre of the discussion today.

Parenting can be closely analogised to tending a tree—as contrasted to moulding a clay pot—because a tree (like a child), unlike clay, has a life of its own and can, for several reasons, manifest or respond differently to the situations around it. In tending a tree, providing for it is necessary. The work of the one tending the tree is not just to trim it or harvest fruits, but to ensure that the tree gets what it needs to survive as a good tree in all ramifications. It is the same in bringing up children.

When we speak of child neglect, we are referring to a situation where parents or guardians have the means to provide for the child’s basic and important needs but choose to not do so. This is not an uncommon reality, especially among children raised by stepparents and children with disabilities. Neglect manifests as refusal by parents to provide physical needs adequately, such as food, clothing, and shelter, and also refusal to supervise and protect the children, making them vulnerable to harmful situations and people.

Neglecting children’s medical needs for physical and mental health is a form of child neglect too. Many children are made to endure pain that can easily be avoided by providing basic care or being attended to by professionals. It is neglect, for example, when parents ignore caring for children who are physically injured and who are helpless in taking care of themselves.

Furthermore, when children reach the appropriate age to attain formal education, parents and guardians have a moral responsibility to ensure that they are enrolled in school. It is child neglect when parents, despite the capability to enrol children in school, choose not to. Family businesses, for example, are not of equal importance to the rights of a child.

It is equally considered child neglect when children are denied emotional care, are not treated with affection, and are exposed to violence and abuse. Infants need to be comforted and not left crying and cleaned and have a diaper change on time because it hurts to leave them that way. Where children go wrong, they should be corrected with love and understanding. This is because correction is of more value to future behaviour as compared to the deeds already done. When done improperly, it is a damaging investment.

Now that we have seen how diverse child neglect is, one or two real-life cases may come to mind! It is important to speak out against these behaviours, and, where needed, to report to appropriate child protection desks or the police. We should not normalise pain and trauma in children. The fact that in the past one experienced traumatising parenting is not a license to normalise it.

Rights of children are constitutionally protected by the laws of our country and internationally recognised by the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child and other related conventions. This is to say, despite playing an important role in the child's upbringing, parents do not have absolute rights over the life, development, and well-being of a child.

Neglect being a form of child abuse and maltreatment goes a long way in the integral formation of the child as he/she grows up. Many children grow up detesting family and marriage because of the neglect they experienced in the past. Equally, many repeat the circles as cruel parents because that is all they have known growing up.

Our education system needs to teach in detail the rights of the child and issues of child neglect, maltreatment, and abuse to help children judge by themselves and have reasonable conversations on how they are treated by adults among them.

Due to poor knowledge of what neglect and abuse really entail, many come to recognise, after many years as adults, that they were either neglected or abused as children, leading to hatred or even revenge towards their parents and guardians. It would have been easy to recognise, resist, or even report and seek help if they had learnt early enough.

Locally, many secrets of child neglect and abuse are locked within the walls of extended families. A child can complain to uncles, aunts, or grandparents and expect change, but such never yields positive results. Situations are often aggravated and end up in violence and cruelty.

We must protect the rights of the children, even if it means speaking against our parents or relatives in extended families. Locally, it is uncommon to have children report their parents to the police or law enforcement, but we are not far from that reality, in as much as such complaints being lodged are legitimate and in the better interest of the child.

Shimbo Pastory is a Tanzanian advocate for positive social transformation and a student of the Loyola School of Theology, Ateneo de Manila University, Manila, Philippines. Website: www.shimbopastory.com