An open letter to all married women on earth

Dear Married Women,

An Open Letter is a fearless invitation to share untold narratives and reveal unique perceptions while pursuing change and growth. An open letter also shares wisdom while revealing pieces of discoveries through the vulnerable moments one has experienced.

There's something I want to appeal to you women about your understanding of men. I'm sad that men and women don't know each other, John Gray an American author said rightly, "Men are Mars and Women from Venus." Thus, John went to produce an elaborate relationship book on this title.

How a man is wired just fly in the eyes of an average woman - which is a potential manufacturer of most relationship conflicts. Ladies, know:

Men's sexuality will shock you: Men's desire for lovemaking is primarily physical and a gender act. The gate is eyes, any woman they consider beautiful raises a man's voltage whether he knows her or not.

A man falls in love three stages, lust (drive), attraction (romantic love) and attachment (long-term love). Feelings here are caused by dopamine, serotonin, neropinephrine, vasopressin and testosterone hormones.  Men's craving for lovemaking is so powerful. Hello beautiful women, you'll have to live with this. They can't help it.

Women's sexuality is different, she's very selective, responding to a particular man, who's caring, attentive, and she's interested with his personality, his words, and especially awareness that this man finds her attractive.

Men's worldview is weird to women: Men and women see the world differently, men see the world as a race and a war; it's a place to achieve, produce and succeed. Men see themselves as a nest builders, runners, warriors, and producers; their souls long to achieve and to win.

In contrast women see the world as a family, a nest and a place of beauty. Women see themselves as carers, nurturers and designers. Their souls long for friendships, family, children and home. Therefore know that men and women are different, and different doesn't mean bad, but just different. The differences however, should be complementary.

Men wonder why women speak in riddles: Another huge difference is how men and women communicate! Interestingly, it's headlines vs between-the-lines, guess what happens? Every camp thinks, "they must be mad." Men have a tendency to think in headlines and say exactly what they mean, their words are literal. But women speak between the lines, they tend to hint.

 Men need a recorder to understand unspoken needs and what women implies. Women get frustrated because they want their husbands to be thoughtful and considerate. Why can't they figure out things? They need a training.

So dear women, stop wondering! Please learn about men, their sexuality, their world view, communication and how they manage stress, this is how on God’s green earth you can live in harmony with men, creating a successful relationship, family and indomitable team spirit.

AmaniKyala is a counsellor, writer and teacher, 0626 512 144