Foul cravings and disillusionment of a perfect partner

Samuel L. Hair, in his fascinating yet somewhat depressing book Marriage Mayhem, narrates the story of Jermaine Hopkins, who thinks he's found Mrs. Right in the form of sexy single mother Karen. Little does he know, he's about to be taken for the ride of his life when they join together in matrimonial mayhem.

There were extramarital affairs, parental interference, and pure drama in this story that's enough to leave you handcuffed. Let's look at the foul cravings and popular disillusionment of today’s relationships.

Craving for a perfect wife: Imagining she'll always be a great cook, serving delicious food; always eating her choice food but still fitting in her wedding dress.

She's very active at church and home, always having unlimited time for her husband and children; she cares for all the people who are sick at home and never gets sick herself.

Moreover, she has a great sense of humour and doesn't get moody, always praising her husband without nagging him even a single day.

She gets back home from work, straightens the house, solves the kids’ problems, gets the homework going, cooks dinner, cleans up after dinner, gets the kids to bed, and soon after she dashes to the bathroom to shower and comes to put on romantic lingerie, ready for a passionate night with her husband.

But is it true one can get a wife with this jolt of energy and perfection? The world is waiting for this kind of wife. We often fall into many temptations because our fallen nature is full of foul cravings; having an intelligent, energetic, cute wife who remains super pretty.

Craving for a perfect husband: Expecting he'll always be making a lot of money but never becoming a workaholic; he remembers all birthdays and anniversaries, sends cards, flowers, and gifts, and arranges surprise romantic get-away-alone weekends. He's capable, competent, tender, and a creative lover.

In addition, this guy has a great sense of humour, has in-depth conversations, is strong, courageous, responsive, and responsible, and always cherishes his wife, showering her with special affection and love, never disappointing her or getting himself hurt.

It’s selfish cravings: Tim Keller, in his book, The Meaning of Marriage, rightly says that "both men and women today see marriage not as a way of creating character and community but as a way to reach personal life goals.

They're looking for a marriage partner who will ‘fulfil their emotional, sexual, and spiritual desires.’ And that creates an extreme idealism leading to deep pessimism.”

The only way to have an ideal partner is to become one yourself. Remember, this is earth, not heaven. It's a fallen world; perfect humans don't live on this planet.

There are no perfect marriages but there are relationships that work and those that don't. Yours will work if you both want it enough, putting in time and effort. All we need is a good marriage, a real and lasting marriage.

Amani Kyala is a counsellor, writer, and teacher, 0626 512 144.