OUR KIND OF ENGLISH: It’s wrong to say ‘by hook or crook’

We’ll skip our usual tutorial blah-blah and move straight to this column’s key task of dishing out linguistic gems we unearthed over the recent past. Here we go…

The Saturday, August 16 edition of the massive Nairobi tabloid with a sizeable readership in Bongo has a story on Page 16 entitled, ‘Nairobi ride-hailing: Long hours, low pay,’ the scribbler writes: “When asked about ‘a way’ forward, most drivers agree that the solution is in better fares.”

Hello!  When you’re stuck, you need to think on what to do and if need be, consult, so as to find ways to resolve the state of your stagnation. What you come up with is, figuratively, THE (not a) way forward.

The Sunday, August 17 edition of the above–cited tabloid ran a story on Page 7, headlined, ‘How MCAs ousted governor Mutai...’ Therein, our Nairobi colleague says in Column 2 of his article: 

“Dr Mutai addressed journalists after the impeachment and turned the heat on the Speaker, claiming he wants him out of office BY hook OR crook.”

By hook or crook? No, Siree! The phrase which means “by any means necessary,” is BY hook or BY crook. The preposition “by” appears twice in the idiomatic expression. Now, need we say it again? Idioms are fixed. Users don’t have the licence to alter them!

In Column 5, a big man is quoted as saying: “What are all these squabbles I hear about? Don’t you have OTHER BETTER things to do?”

There’s a case of redundancy here! Using the adjective “other” to qualify “better things” is to be wasteful with words. Why, “better things” are obviously other things that are superior.

Which is to say, the last sentence should simply read: “Don’t you have BETTER things to do?” It could also suffice it to say: “Don’t you have OTHER things to do?”

On Friday, August 22, Bongo’s huge and colourful broadsheet had a Page 5 story  headlined, ‘Morogoro becomes hub for “stolen” motorcycles,’ in which a transport sector official is quoted as purportedly saying:

“Unfortunately, in Morogoro, we have become victims of carrying excess passengers  especially on motorcycles, where people even sit on LAPS (kupakatana).”

The clever scribbler, clearly suspecting his readers wouldn’t understand what on earth “sitting on laps” means, and since he’s aware most of his audience comprises Kiswahili speakers, he puts in brackets what he considers our national language’s translation for “sitting on laps.”

We propose that our colleague could’ve been understood by all—including readers who don’t know a word in Kiswahili— by writing thus: “….carrying excess passengers, especially on motorcycles, where one even sits on another’s LAP during a ride.”

Finally, let’s share a couple of gems from Bongo’s senior-most broadsheet of Sunday, August 24, whose Page 2 has a story entitled, ‘OCODE boosts education infrastructure in Bagamoyo.’ In this one, the scribbler says in Para 3 regarding the support Bagamoyo District’s Mataya Primary School has received from the Organisation for Community Development (OCODE):

“The support included not only the renovation the classroom, but also the donation of STUDENT desks, chairs and a table for the teachers.”

Student desks? Nope! We believe our colleague meant to say STUDENTS’ desks. Or simply, desks, since in schools desks are meant for students, aren’t they? 

In the last-but-one paragraph, while reporting on what the Mataya headteacher said, the scribbler writes: “He added that prior to the renovation, the classroom’s roof would leak during the rainy seasons, often forcing children to stay home and MISS SCHOOL.”

The words that we’ve capitalised are unnecessary. Why, when leaners stay home, obviously they miss school. So, you don’t have to waste print paper space saying it!

Ah, this treacherous language called English!

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