Simba gets 5G, Hussein goes gaga, Dr Winch blanks out and someone is losing wife
What you need to know:
- Last Sunday, it happened that Simba SC was given a thrashing of their lives. They got what in Uswaz lingo is called 5G.
Nothing elicits murderous and insane emotions than soccer in these God-forsaken shanties we call Uswaz.
It is even worse when the teams happen to be Simba SC versus Young Africans (Yanga).
The talks about these two teams are always intense with fans talking themselves to near-death, spitting (you need an umbrella to sit near them lest they drench you with spittle).
Fist fights occasionally erupt, leaving some fans toothless and with a chain of assault cases at the “Uswaz Cop Shop” (I mean the Uswaz Police Post). Worse happens behind closed doors if a man and his wife are supporters of the opposing teams.
Here, I am made to understand, the spouse does the mzungu wa nne (if the woman sleeps facing east, the man sleeps facing west).
Things can get nastier if it happens that one team has beaten another to the pulp as Yanga did to Simba.
Last Sunday, it happened that Simba SC was given a thrashing of their lives. They got what in Uswaz lingo is called 5G meaning by the end of 90 minutes, Yanga trounced Simba the 5-1, something that nobody had anticipated.
In Yanga fans, in their own words, Simba did not know what hit them.
As I have always told you, I am a proud owner of a fourth-hand TV junk with an extended bum, one that I bought in Kariakoo at a secondhand shop.
I must confess that despite owning it, I prefer to watch soccer at Mzee Shirima’s Bar and Guesthouse with buddies amidst vuvuzela noises.
It is a promising place because guys will buy one or two beers if their team wins (I am not a fan of soccer so I don’t waste my breath screaming myself hoarse). Sunday came and as I said, Simba SC was swept by Yanga’s hurricane.
My learned chum, Dr Winchinslauss Rwegoshora, the man of books who happens to be a Simba fan consumed two bottles of Jack Daniels in protest.
By the time the last whistle had been blown, he was incoherent from swallowing the hot stuff. Hussein the wag had gone completely bananas.
I am told that he had wagered that of Simba lost to Yanga, he was willing to relinquish his youngest wife Maimuna, but who knows if he will not be backtracking on the bet he had so heartily made with a fellow Uswahinite? That remains to be seen.
