The power of solitude: Thriving on your own without feeling lonely

We’re always told that independence is the goal. Move out, make your own money, and stand on your own two feet.

No one really talks about the downside—how independence can sometimes feel like isolation.
In Tanzania, where community is everything, being alone can feel unnatural.

You grow up surrounded by extended family, constantly checking in with each other, and suddenly, adulthood expects you to figure things out solo.
So how do you embrace independence without feeling like you’re drifting alone in the deep end?
The truth is, being alone and being lonely are two different things.
Learning to enjoy your own company is a skill, one that takes self-awareness and balance.
 

The struggle with loneliness

Even though we’re the most digitally connected generation, many of us still feel isolated.
Social media makes it seem like everyone is constantly having fun, going out, or building businesses—but most of the time, it’s just highlights.

You might see your friend posting about a big night, but that doesn’t mean they don’t feel just as lost as you do when they get home. The issue isn’t a lack of people—it’s a lack of depth.

Many people are also navigating new realities—leaving home for university, working in a different city, or trying to balance personal ambition with family expectations.
You might be the first in your family to go to university or pursue a career your parents don’t fully understand.
The push to “make it” can make you feel like you have to handle everything alone, even when you don’t have to.
 

The psychology of being alone

Attachment theory suggests that how we feel about being alone depends on how we were raised.

If you grew up with supportive, emotionally available parents, you’re more likely to see solitude as a chance to recharge rather than something to fear.

But if you grew up in an environment where emotional support was inconsistent, being alone might trigger feelings of abandonment.
From a neuroscience perspective, prolonged loneliness triggers the same stress response as physical pain.
That’s why extended isolation can lead to anxiety and even depression.
But on the flip side, embracing solitude can boost creativity, self-awareness, and emotional independence. It’s all about balance.

Learn to enjoy your own company without feeling lonely

1. Shift your mind-set: Alone time is an asset, not a punishment

In Tanzania, we’re used to constant interaction—checking in with family, attending social events etc.
So when you find yourself alone, it might feel like something is wrong. But being alone is an opportunity, not a punishment.
Some of the best ideas and personal growth happen in quiet moments. Instead of seeing solitude as a void, see it as space to reconnect with yourself.
 

2. Build a life that feels good without validation

The best way to enjoy alone time is by doing things that excite you—not just what looks good online.
Ask yourself: If no one could see what I was doing, would I still enjoy this?
Maybe that means spending time exploring the local art scene, or perfecting your pilau recipe just for yourself.
Finding joy in small, personal routines makes alone time feel fulfilling rather than lonely.
 

3. Create a healthy social balance

Being independent doesn’t mean isolating yourself. Make time for quality connections.
That could be deep conversations with a close friend at a quiet café in Masaki, reconnecting with cousins in your hometown, or joining a professional network to meet like-minded people.
It’s not about having a large circle—it’s about having a solid one.
 

4. Set boundaries with social media

Scrolling through Instagram and seeing people traveling to Zanzibar or partying can make you feel like you’re missing out.
But remember, social media is curated.
You don’t see the stress behind the success or the loneliness behind the smiles.
Limit your screen time and be intentional about who you follow—engage with content that makes you feel inspired, not inadequate.
 

5. Get comfortable with silence
We’re so used to noise—music, notifications, group chats—that silence can feel uncomfortable.

But learning to sit with your thoughts without distractions is powerful.
Try taking a walk on Coco Beach without headphones or having your morning tea in silence.
These small moments of presence can ground you and help you embrace solitude with confidence.
 

Signs you’re struggling with unhealthy isolation
While solitude is beneficial, excessive isolation can be harmful. If you find yourself constantly cancelling plans, avoiding interactions, or feeling persistently lonely even when surrounded by people, it might be time to reassess.

Independence shouldn’t come at the cost of your mental health.
Seeking support—whether from a friend, therapist, or even a mentor—doesn’t mean you’re weak.
It means you’re self-aware enough to know when you need help. Independence isn’t about cutting people off or doing everything alone.

It’s about building a life where you can be happy on your own but still connected to the people and experiences that matter. Being alone isn’t something to fear—it’s something to embrace.

The goal isn’t to avoid loneliness at all costs but to build a life where solitude feels like a choice, not a burden. Once you master that, you’ll realise that being alone doesn’t mean being lonely—it means being whole.