‘Heaven’ by Mieko Kawakami: Everything will be alright

Suicide is one of the things we do not talk about freely because of the stigma around it. Usually, when we read tragic stories about suicide cases, we tend to wonder, 'What was so bad that they had to commit suicide? Why are they selfish? What about the people they leave behind? These are valid questions, but what about the person who could not see any other way around their suffering'?

In Mieko Kawakami's heartbreaking and straightforward novel Heaven, we meet a fourteen-year-old whose life is nothing more than a painful experience because of the relentless bullying from his male classmates. Having a lazy eye worsens his suffering. They call him “Eyes.” Oblivious to the damage they inflict, they treat their cruelty as routine. He moves through life constantly on edge, wondering, “What new trick will they try today? Will I survive it?”

“They pushed me, threw me into a wall. I staggered and crashed into a desk. Happens all the time, I told myself. It is nothing. It happens all the time. I waited for it to end.”

As you read, you may wonder: Are there no teachers in this school? Who is responsible for children’s safety? Shouldn’t school be a safe place for every child? What about our schools? In areas where classrooms are overcrowded and resources are stretched thin?

The protagonist’s home life offers no relief from his suffering. He lives with a stepmother who, though kind, remains distant. His father is unavailable, adding to his loneliness. Home becomes another place where he spends most of his time locked in his bedroom, with his books, pain, and thoughts.

Kawakami introduces Kojima, another character with a troubling view of suffering. Bullied for being poor and unkempt, she doesn’t resist but embraces pain, believing it gives her life meaning. She reaches out to the narrator through notes, seeking connection. But to her, their bond isn’t friendship—it’s proof that enduring suffering is an act of strength.

“I know there’s so much pain in this, but we have to keep going. I have to keep going. I have my signs because of the way my family is, and you are who you are because of your eyes. That’s why we are able to meet.”

Through Kojima, the author explores how flawed beliefs about suffering can trap people in pain, making them see it as a necessary part of existence rather than something to overcome. It raises unsettling questions about resilience, survival, and how people justify their suffering in a world where everyone seems to struggle.

After the summer break, the bullying gets brutal. His classmates tie a volleyball to his head and kick him around like a soccer ball, laughing as he bleeds. In the agony, he feels himself drift away—his other self watches from the ceiling, smiling as it asks, “Why can’t you do something?”

The beating is so severe that he has to make several trips to the hospital. During one of these visits, he confronts one of his bullies, Momose. He asks if they ever feel bad about what they do to him and Kojima at school. He wonders if there is any meaning to their cruelty.

Momose’s response is chilling: “None of this has any meaning. Everyone does what they want. Nothing is good or bad. There was something they wanted to do, and they had a chance to do it.” He continues, “Isn’t it obvious that no one else is going to look after your emotions?”

The narrator is left in shock. He recalls Kojima’s belief that suffering has meaning, yet he knows it doesn’t.

Overwhelmed by life, he spirals into depression. He cannot sleep. He becomes so numb that he isn’t sure if he cries out of sadness or if sadness is just another empty feeling. Slowly, he begins to wonder: Would death relieve my suffering? What would it mean for me to die?

“At first, my desire to die was a desire to disappear. I wanted to erase myself and feel real peace. But if dying doesn’t actually involve a moment where you die, could I really disappear?”

As you reach the final pages of Heaven, you may find yourself questioning the meaning of life and everything we do. What truly matters in a world where everyone seems to be looking out only for themselves? Does suffering serve a purpose, or is it just another part of existence?

The author says, “If anything has meaning, everything does. And if nothing has meaning, nothing does.” In other words, it is up to you to assign meaning to the things that happen to you—or to the things you allow to happen. Let your values and principles guide you in deciding whether something holds meaning.

Jane Shussa is passionate about books, coffee, nature, and travel. She serves as a Senior Digital Communications Officer for Twaweza East Africa.