How to survive your boss’s insults

It’s midday and the office is quiet, except for the occasional murmur of keyboards and phone calls. Suddenly, your supervisor marches towards you, and her voice rings, “This is the kind of *&!@% stupidity I expect from an intern!” Her words pierce through the air, leaving you frozen.

A burning heat rises to your face as your coworkers stare, but no one dares speak up. You try to steady your breath, to push the sting of embarrassment down into your gut, but it’s hard. Hard to ignore the weight of her words and the embarrassment you feel. You glance at the floor, wishing it would swallow you whole. But it doesn’t.

This isn’t the first time; it’s just another Tuesday in the endless cycle of work days that leaves you wondering, “What did I do wrong?” You were hired to grow, to contribute, to be a part of something, not to stand here feeling small and humiliated in front of everyone. But how do you speak up when the person meant to guide you, to help you grow, is the one tearing you down? Sadly, I’ve been there before (and I left!).

When your supervisor calls you derogatory names, it can be difficult to keep your composure. While resorting to name-calling and verbal abuse is hardly the most professional approach, it's one that some supervisors rely on instead of constructive criticism. If your boss falls under this category, it's important to develop a plan to deal with the behaviour.

Verbal abuse has no place at work, but it happens. Verbal abuse occurs when someone uses language that demeans, offends, threatens, shames, intimidates, or insults someone. Being called derogatory names at work is demeaning, and in the workplace, verbal abuse is addressed under the Employment and Labour Relations Act, 2004, which mandates that employers provide a safe and healthy working environment free from harassment and abuse. While the Act does not explicitly mention verbal abuse, it requires employers to take reasonable steps to prevent and address any form of harassment, including verbal abuse.

In the heat of the moment, while it might feel tempting to fight back with insults or savage comebacks, that will rarely solve the problem. In fact, it’ll probably make things worse. Stay as calm as possible, and approach the situation with clarity. I know it’s much easier said than done, but taking the right steps with the support of professionals who know the system (with HR or legally) is your best bet to make sure your rights are protected and your voice is heard.

If verbal abuse continues in the workplace, it's crucial to take a proactive approach. Start by calmly asking your supervisor for specific feedback. What exactly is it about your work that’s causing frustration? Rather than reacting defensively, offer solutions that can prevent the issue from happening again. Document every instance of verbal abuse, as this will be important if you decide to escalate the matter to HR or require legal action.

If the abuse persists, request a private meeting with your boss. Express that your job performance matters deeply to you, and you want to address any concerns they may have, but make it clear that verbal abuse is unacceptable.

If your company has policies against harassment, HR could be a valuable resource, but keep in mind that HR often operates in the company’s interest first. To improve your chances of receiving support, frame your complaint unemotionally, focusing on how the behaviour is impacting your work and the team. 

If you're experiencing verbal abuse at work, it’s time to take control. You don’t have to tolerate it. Another way you can seek help is through the Commission for Mediation and Arbitration (CMA) and refer to the Occupational Health and Safety Act of 2003. The CMA allows employees to file complaints and seek remedies, but keep in mind that while these laws set the framework, enforcement can sometimes fall short. So while verbal abuse is wrong, in the court of law it may not always be deemed illegal. That’s why documenting every incident is key, and getting legal counsel to understand your rights is critical.

If the situation doesn’t change, you’ll have to consider your options. It may be time to explore other opportunities, either within the company or externally. When considering a transfer, be discreet, as your current supervisor may attempt to undermine you. Keep it quiet.

Sometimes, protecting your peace means stepping out of the storm. It’s not about fighting the wind; it’s about finding a place where you can breathe! Making that clean break from a toxic environment (yes, verbal abuse is very toxic!) might be the best decision you ever make for your well-being.

At the end of the day, you are in control of your story, no matter their title! Nobody has the right to strip away your dignity (I’m pretty sure it’s not in your job description). Your dignity is non-negotiable! Trust your instincts; if the situation doesn’t get better, remember you have the power to walk away and find a workspace where you can flourish. I’m rooting for you!

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