The hidden trait of magnetic leadership

Before we dive in, a quick caveat. I know some of my recent articles in the past few weeks may have been a tad bit controversial, perhaps sparking discomfort in some (I've read your comments on Instagram and your emails). That’s intentional. Progress rarely happens when we only engage with ideas we already agree with. However, today I want to shift gears, not to appease anyone, but to widen the lens. Growth isn't just about identifying what's broken. It's also about noticing what’s working so we can do more of it.

Rather than analysing the pressures or pitfalls of leadership, let’s focus on what makes it meaningful. Not the burnout or the bureaucracy, but the moments that remind us why leadership matters in the first place. There’s power in exploring the psychology of positive influence.

When you reflect on the leaders who helped you grow, what quality surfaces often? For many, it’s kindness. Not kindness as niceness. Not people-pleasing or passivity. But kindness as in clarity, challenge, and connection.

In my own career, the leaders who brought out my best were firm, honest, and driven by high standards, but they led with kindness. They made me feel seen, supported, and capable. That emotional foundation made all the difference.

And it’s not just anecdotal.In a global study conducted by researchers at Monash University, over 4,000 participants across five countries were asked to reflect on the leaders who had the greatest positive influence on them. The surprising finding? Leadership style, whether transactional, transformational, or servant, mattered far less than expected. What mattered most: connection, authenticity, and psychological safety.

“Leadership is less about mastering the latest model or training trend,” said Associate Professor Nathan Eva, one of the lead researchers, “and more about building real, human relationships.” The implication is profound: leaders are remembered less for their technical brilliance and more for how they make people feel. In fact, multiple studies back this up. In their influential Warmth-Competence Framework, Fiske, Cuddy, and Glick (2007) showed that first impressions hinge on two traits: warmth and competence. Without warmth, competence can be perceived as threatening.

Here are four practices to lead with kindness:

1. Create psychological safety. Show people it’s safe to speak up, ask questions, or make mistakes without fear of ridicule. When people feel safe, they take more initiative, contribute more honestly, and grow more confidently. Kindness begins with making space for others to be fully human.

2. Offer meaningful compliments. Do go beyond surface-level praise. Highlight values, effort, and integrity. This not only boosts morale but also increases performance and loyalty. Compliments, when sincere, don’t just feel good; they build people.

3. Be warm before wise. Kindness does not conflict with competence. In fact, it lays the groundwork for it. As the Warmth-Competence model suggests, how you deliver your expertise matters just as much as the expertise itself.

4. Do the unexpected good.
Small acts, such as an open door or a quiet check-in, can carry disproportionate weight. A 2024 study found that everyday kindness predicts increased optimism and team cohesion. These “positive emotional lifts” are often underestimated by the giver but deeply felt by the receiver.

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