How a failed attempt to steal a child changed my life

They say that desperate times call for desperate measures. Desperate to have a child of her own, 17 years ago, Shamila Mwakyenjula, 50, decided to get one at all costs. She was 33 years old at the time.

Her first marriage had failed, and now her second marriage was on the verge of collapse after being childless for over a decade.

The resident of Morogoro Region had had enough of the physical, psychological, and verbal abuse she was subjected to due to her childlessness.

She wanted to regain her husband’s lost love and both the community's and her mother-in-law’s respect.

Shamila was 20 years old when she first married in 1993 but her marriage ended two years later.

She remarried in 1996 and her second marriage was blissful. A decade later, her husband changed because she could not bear him children.

“He started spending nights away from home before he decided to have a child with another woman. Learning that he had sired a child out of wedlock was heartbreaking,” shares Shamila.

According to her, it reached a point where her mother-in-law would enter break utensils in the cupboard, and litter the house deliberately, claiming she was doing so because there was no child to make the house dirty.

She also claimed that the utensils had been in the cupboard for a long time and needed to be replaced with new ones.

Telling her husband about his mother’s behaviour was useless as it seemed to fall on deaf ears.

Shamila’s marriage got worse by the day, and gradually, things started to fall apart as she watched helplessly. Her husband did not love or respect her anymore.

Neither did the woman with whom he had a child. She would call Shamila’s husband anytime she wanted, even as late as midnight, regardless of his wife’s presence.

Shamila went through hell because of her husband’s mistress. One day, her husband beat her so badly that she bled and lost consciousness.

Why? She had refused to let the other woman borrow their bicycle.

She was hospitalised as a result, and the scar on her upper lip is a reminder of the fateful day.

She was in such bad shape that her sister, who lived in Dar es Salaam, decided to transfer her to the Muhimbili National Hospital for further treatment.

When she recovered three months later, Shamila came up with a plan that she needed to accomplish before going back to Morogoro. She had to return home with a child.

She decided to stay in the city for nine months, after which she would steal a child to take back home.

Although she does not recall the date, Shamila woke up very early on the day she had planned to get a baby.

She headed to Muhimbili Hospital, and when she got there, she approached a nurse who was coming in her direction and told her that she needed a child.

The nurse advised her to pray to God and that He would one day answer her prayer.

Shamila was not convinced, and when she continued pestering her, the nurse threatened to call the police.

Shamila left the nurse alone, and wandered within the hospital premises.

As she waited outside the gate, she saw a woman carrying a child on her back who looked tired because she was also carrying bags in both hands.

“I approached her and offered to help her carry the baby. Her phone rang the moment she handed the baby to me. Her husband had called to inform her that she had left some medicine in the ward where her child had been admitted,” shares Shamila.

This was a golden opportunity for Shamila, who took off the moment the baby’s mother headed to the ward. She had left her child and her other possessions with Shamila.

As Shamila picked up the pace, some voice kept telling her that what she was doing wasn’t right.

The voice got louder with every step she took, forcing Shamila to go back and wait for the child’s mother. It did not take long before the baby’s mother returned.

“When she got where I was, I threw the child at her and started crying,” recalls Shamila.

The angry mother asked her why she had thrown the baby at her. She said the baby had been in the hospital since birth, and now Shamila wanted to kill it! All this while, Shamila kept crying, hence drawing people’s attention.

“I don’t know how I got home. I just found myself in my sister’s house, where I slept the whole night without eating or talking to anyone,” she narrates.

She left for Morogoro the following day and found no one at home, despite her husband being aware that she was coming back. “I phoned my husband to ask him where he had kept the key, but he did not answer his phone.”

When he returned home at midnight, he was in the company of a policeman. He told the policeman to arrest her claiming that she had stolen his Sh3 million.

When she tried to defend herself, the policeman told her she should go kill herself at the police station.

Her husband filed for divorce the following day, citing Shamila’s barrenness as the reason for the divorce.

Shamila narrated her ordeal to Woman during the Tanzania Gender Network Programme’s 15th gender festival, which brought together over 2000 participants from various parts of the country.

She travelled from Morogoro to attend the festival so she could encourage those facing similar challenges that they need to be strong in whatever situation they are going through.

What Shamila went through due to her inability to bear children prompted her to start an association for barren women to help end their suffering.

The Tanzania Association of Barren Women was founded in 2015 and was officially registered in 2022.

Its aim is to bring barren women and sterile men together to fight for their rights in society.

Shamila says most women who cannot bear children experience all sorts of violence.

“Most of the women who steal children do so because they go through a lot of stress, psychological torture, and due to desperation. In my case, I went through all kinds of violence, although I did not manage to steal a child as I had planned,” says Shamila.

Shamila plans to celebrate this year’s annual 16 Days of Activism against Gender-Based Violence by paying visits to women who are in prison for allegedly child theft so as to encourage and give them hope.

She says this year’s 16 days of activism against GBV are important to her because it will be an opportunity for her to share her story on what made her attempt to steal a child.

The 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence is a key international moment to call for an end to violence against women and girls.

It runs from November 25, which is the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women, until December 10, which is Human Rights Day.