Understanding wedding rituals

Erick Chrispin admits that he didn’t really know why he had to have flower girls and boys during his wedding ceremony. “Unfortunately, we didn’t think about the meaning of our flower children, however, for us they are our best friends’ children so it made sense for them to be involved in our special day. They travelled with their parents all the way from Manyara to attend our wedding in Dar es Salaam. We just had to have them there on that day,” says the managing director of True Maisha Consultancy Company.

Every religion or tribe has its traditions which members have to observe when it comes to celebrations, be it in a wedding or cultural festival. Ranging from types of food, outfits or decorations, each religion or tribe has their own unique interpretations of what is right for the occasion. However, many people often find themselves following such customs without asking why it is that they are actually doing so.

Throwing petals on the aisle

As with the Chrispins on their wedding day, there are many customs people follow but do not know the origins or meaning of such rituals.

The norm is that every wedding ceremony has to have flower girls and flower boys in a procession.

In Western culture, flower girls have been used in processions for centuries as a symbol of purity. In most cases, the flower girls and boys must be below 10 years old, as they are meant to symbolise childhood and add a sense of joy and sweetness to the ceremony.

Flower girls always wear simple white dresses to accentuate their youth; they carry flowers and scatter petals on the aisle, so that the bride walks along a carpet of flowers.

The petals symbolise the transition of the bride from a young girl to loving passionate woman. In some cultures, the petals are meant to ward off evil and protect the bride on her wedding day.

Removing veil and wearing white dress on a wedding has meaning

The most iconic of wedding rituals is the unveiling of the bride. This is often a symbolic act that many couples talk about but never think why they would have to do such a thing.

“At church, I was asked to take the veil off. I thought it was because we were not living together as man and wife before. If we had been living together before and we were at the church for the blessing, then she couldn’t have even covered her face with a veil,” notes Erick.

Neema Shelukindo concurs with Chrispin’s remark. She has always thought that taking off the veil symbolises purity and modesty. Often times the groom is not allowed to see the bride hours leading to the wedding and the veil is meant to hide the bride’s face until they are in front of the priest.

However, Neema, who owns a wedding dress boutique in Temeke, Dar es Salaam, says that people do not really care about marriage customs anymore. “Nowadays, people practice differently. It is normal to find a bride who is pregnant, and yet wears a white gown and veil, and the groom is still asked to take off the veil during the wedding mass,” she observes.

To others like Hellen John, a photographer at Campix Production, wearing a white dress does not only symbolise purity but wealth also, especially for brides coming from royal families.

Fiona thinks that nowadays people abuse the meaning of the white dress. She agrees with the Christian belief that a woman who is no longer a virgin and has children before marriage should not wear a white gown. “The bride has to wear another colour and not white which symbolises purity,” she adds.

There is no one way of doing things

Fiona’s view is in line with the customs of various tribes in Tanzania. In some traditions, if the bride wears a white dress, her aunts must prepare the marriage bed, putting white bed sheets on top, which will attest to her virginity in the morning.

“If the bride was pure, they will come with a decorated barren or drum of alcohol to show that she was indeed pure and they celebrate together,” she says, adding that if the woman was not pure, then they believe that her first child must die because she lied.

Halima Mussa says that for Muslims wedding rituals are totally different, as they don’t have flower girls. She believes that the custom sends the message that the bride should bear children as soon as she is wedded.

“What if she can’t? And there are many women these days who either cannot or do not want to have children even if they are married,” she notes.

“As Muslims we don’t have these ‘flower children’ yet we give birth. These things are just affectations, and I don’t believe they are in our holy books; they are from Western culture and people just follow,” she adds.

Halima believes that Western culture has penetrated our lives to the extent that we copy their customs without knowing their true meaning and if that culture is even applicable in our lives.

“Just an example; nowadays you find a bride throwing a flower bouquet before leaving the reception hall for the other women to catch. It’s believed that whoever catches it will be the next person to get married. But this is just silly,” she says.

The dowry is another area in which people are choosing to do things differently. Islamic religion experts say some families use the dowry to pay for their daughter’s wedding, and forget that the dowry must be given to the bride because giving of dowry to the bride by the groom is an essential part of the contract.

Aboubakar Shaaban, an Islamic religion coordinator in Temeke Municipality, says “the dowry is a token of appreciation the girl receives from her husband-to- be and her family is not allowed to use it for anything. This is forbidden.”

According to him, dowry is not legally specified, however, moderation according to the existing social norm is recommended.

Explaining about the wearing of a green dress, Aboubakar says the colour doesn’t have a strong meaning in Islam although brides wear green because they see others doing it while having ‘Kombe.’  He adds that the most important thing is for the bride to appear modest before God. “In Islam, a girl must cover her whole body, not only that, she should wait for her husband silently, in a place which is very quiet,” he explains.

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