When a partner develops potentially high-risk practices

Today, while perusing Advisorpedia, I found an interesting article from Ian Golding, a British author and certified customer experience professional; it was written on July 16th, 2017, titled Accountability: A Story About Four People Named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. Ian goes on to narrate this story that someone not mentioned shared with him. Here's the story below:

"This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to be done, and Everybody was asked to do it. Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody’s job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realised that Everybody wouldn’t do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done."

Similarly, in relationships, there are certain behaviours that we categorise as high-risk practices, unaccountability being one of them. I will also discuss codependency and jealousy as high-risk relationship behaviours.

Unaccountability: A person is said to be unaccountable because he isn't responsible to anyone for his actions; he doesn't feel the need to explain his actions to anyone. Accountability is an assurance that someone is ready to be evaluated and also willing to be responsible for his behaviours.

Any couple or relationship that lacks this aspect won't go far. Men need to be humble in this matter. Leadership doesn't mean unaccountability; it's not absolute power either. We've heard, "Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Marriage is the closest relationship that a human being can have with another. And believe this relationship will expose you to the maximum, even if you're hiding certain unpleasant thoughts or behaviours. 

Codependency: This is excessive emotional reliance on a partner for support. There was a time in the ancient world when Israel totally relied on its allies for protection. God sent a prophet named Jeremiah to warn them about the habit. He said, “Cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength, whose heart turns away from the Lord.”

The message is a warning against placing too much trust in humans who are fallible and limited. It still also suggests that even solely relying on oneself leads to downfall.

Jealousy: This is another blockbuster. Jealousy shows a lack of trust and respect by controlling your partner when you're unable to control your own emotions. Jealousy refers to thoughts or feelings of insecurity, fear, and concern over a relative lack of possessions or safety. Jealousy involves anger, resentment, and inadequacy. And believe me, it is sin, a sign of weakness and helplessness.

As I end, a healthy person is confident and helpful to other people. Don't run for your life all the time. Don't escape accountability either; it brings freedom rather than slavery. 

Amani Kyala is a Counsellor, Teacher and Writer;  [email protected];  0626 512 144