Dar es Salaam. When Botswana President Duma Boko urged people not to remain in toxic, broken or unhappy relationships simply for the sake of it last week, he could have been describing the experience of Vivian Shuma, who recently parted amicably with her husband after 15 years of marriage.
Boko’s remarks, made during an address to members of the Botswana Defence Force, sparked widespread debate across Africa.
Supporters praised him for addressing an issue often regarded as taboo, describing his message as honest, compassionate and timely.
Others, however, argued that his comments risked weakening the institution of marriage by encouraging couples to separate rather than work through their differences.
In his address, Boko stressed the importance of mental wellbeing, advising couples to choose peace and part amicably rather than remain in unhealthy unions or allow conflict to escalate into abuse.
He emphasised that he was not promoting divorce but encouraging people to prioritise respect, harmony and personal safety.
For Vivian Shuma, the promise of ‘until death do us part’ eventually gave way to reality. She left her marital home, ending a 15-year marriage and leaving behind the life she had built with her husband and their two children in a bid to save herself.
Months later, she filed for divorce, beginning a long and emotionally draining legal process.
Her personal ambitions, career and mental wellbeing suffered as she tried to rebuild a life she had never imagined after investing years of her finances, passion and energy into her family.
Vivian’s story is far from unique. It reflects the experiences of thousands of men and women who face the emotional, psychological and financial consequences of divorce, raising an important question: how can people rebuild their lives after such a life-changing separation?
“I made the right decision to walk away. However, it came with enormous disruption. It affected my wellbeing, career, my children’s lives at school and at home, and it also took a toll on my former husband mentally, physically and financially.
Divorce is one of the most difficult experiences anyone can face, especially when a family is unprepared. If the trauma is not properly managed, it can affect the wider family as well,” Vivian says.
Dar es Salaam-based psychologist Cosmas Madulu says divorce often triggers a grieving process similar to bereavement.
“People experience denial, anger, sadness and eventually acceptance. The process differs from one person to another, and there is no fixed timeline for healing,” he says.
He adds that many people suppress their emotions because society expects them to move on quickly.
“Healing begins when people acknowledge their pain instead of pretending everything is fine. If emotional wounds are ignored, they can develop into depression and anxiety,” he says.
Brand strategist, trainer and entrepreneur Charles Nduku says divorce often leaves individuals carrying responsibilities that were previously shared.
“Newly divorced people may suddenly have to create a new budget, find additional sources of income or rebuild their savings after dividing property,” he says. He advises against making major financial decisions while emotionally distressed.
“Selling property in haste, taking unnecessary loans or making impulsive investments under emotional pressure can create even greater financial problems. The first step should be developing a realistic financial plan,” he says.
He also recommends reviewing insurance policies, wills, nominated beneficiaries and investment plans to reflect new personal circumstances.
For couples with children, the priority should shift from conflict to cooperation, says Edwick Mapalala, Country Director of the Regional Psychosocial Support Initiative (REPSSI).
She says children often suffer silently during divorce and should never be used as messengers or drawn into disputes between parents.
“Children need reassurance that both parents still love them. Maintaining consistent routines, honest communication and respectful co-parenting can significantly reduce emotional distress. A marriage may end, but parenting continues,” she says.
Pentecostal pastor Humphrey Shobeza says divorce may mark the end of one chapter but should not define a person’s future.
“Through prayer, forgiveness and accepting that life changes, people can discover a renewed sense of purpose and begin again,” he says.
Boko’s remarks reignited debate after he questioned why rising divorce rates are viewed only negatively. He argued that peaceful separation can sometimes be preferable to remaining in abusive or unhealthy marriages.
His comments attracted both praise and criticism. However, concerns about changing marriage patterns extend beyond Botswana.
A 2026 study published in the International Journal of Sociology found that higher levels of social and economic globalisation were associated with higher divorce rates across 120 countries. The study concluded that the strongest association was in societies where individual autonomy and gender equality had expanded.
Rising cases
Official data from the Community Development, Gender, Women and Special Groups shows an upsurge in marital disputes in Tanzania during recent years.
Tabling the budget in Parliament in early June, 2026, the minister for Community Development, Gender, Women and Special Groups, Dr Dorothy Gwajima said a total of 49,573 marriage-related disputes were reported to the social welfare system between July 2025 and April 2026.
Of these, 9,995 cases were closed, 8,036 were referred to courts, while 31,542 remain under mediation as of June, 2026. The figures show a rise compared with previous years, when 31,380 cases were recorded in 2024/25 and 28,773 in 2022/23.
Analysts attribute the growth to a number of factors, including growing economic pressure, changing family structures and limited preparation for marriage.
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