Present yet absent: When our phones take over social events

What should be intimate, shared moments are now filtered through screens, transforming guests into camera operators instead of participants.

Hosts, families and event planners say that guests rarely spend time enjoying the atmosphere, bonding with loved ones or even congratulating the couple or birthday celebrant.

Instead, most spend a large portion of the ceremony capturing videos or rehearsing the perfect angle for photos.

Sociologists and psychologists warn that while smartphones were meant to help preserve memories, they are increasingly replacing memory, disconnecting people from the very moments they are trying to treasure.

A sociologist from the University of Dar es Salaam, Dr Margaret Rugambwa says the behaviour reflects a shift in how society interacts with important moments.

She argues that celebrations, which were once spaces for bonding and emotional connection, are slowly becoming ‘content creation sites.’

“People no longer attend weddings or birthday parties to share joy with family. Many now attend to create online content, to show they were there. This changes the essence of the event. Guests may be physically present, but psychologically they are absent,” Dr Rugambwa says.

According to her, the pressure to post instantly is driven by modern digital socialisation, where individuals feel validated through likes, views and comments rather than genuine human interaction.

Another sociologist from St Augustine University of Tanzania, Mr Alfani Mduge, notes that society has normalised performing for the camera.

He explains that weddings have become accidental film sets because almost everyone believes they have an obligation to document the event.

“Smartphones have turned guests into unofficial photographers. People film every step the bride takes, but they rarely sit down to enjoy the ceremony. It creates a strange environment where everyone is busy creating memories they never actually live,” he says.

Mr Mduge warns that such behaviour slowly erodes the cultural significance of family gatherings, which were traditionally moments of togetherness, storytelling and shared emotion.

Ms Linah Kabula, also from SAUT, points out that the phenomenon is particularly damaging for hosts, who often feel disconnected from their guests.

“Couples and families invest emotionally and financially to bring people together. But on the day of the celebration, most guests are not actually with them, they are behind screens. This can make the hosts feel isolated on their big day,” she explains.

She adds that the obsession with filming everything can create a sense of artificiality, where performances replace natural interactions.

Even emotional moments such as congratulatory hugs, blessings or heartfelt speeches are often missed.

Psychologists, on the other hand, say the behaviour reflects deeper mental and emotional shifts.

A clinical psychologist from Bugando Medical Centre, Dr Kelvin Kiberiti says the smartphone fixation at events is partly driven by a fear of missing out, commonly known as FOMO.

He says people attend celebrations with the pressure to prove that they are “also living life”.

“Many guests are recording not because they want to remember the event, but because they want others to see that they attended. This leads to a form of social anxiety where the phone becomes a shield. People hide behind their cameras because they are unsure how to interact naturally,” he says.

Dr Kiberiti warns that such practices weaken emotional intelligence, particularly among younger generations who are growing up experiencing life through screens rather than through real human connection.

A psychologist from Muhimbili University of Health and Allied Sciences, Ms Esther Lema argues that the act of over-recording actually prevents the brain from storing meaningful memories.

She notes that when individuals rely on their phones to capture moments, the brain shifts responsibility to the device and stops processing the experience fully.

“When you view everything through a screen, your memory weakens. This is why many people cannot recall details of the event afterwards, even though they have multiple videos of it. The person was not mentally present,” she says.

Ms Lema adds that this behaviour can also make celebrations feel emotionally hollow, as guests fail to connect with the mood, ambiance and shared joy.

Another psychologist, Ms Pauline Kayombo, highlights that smartphone use at events is now deeply tied to self-presentation. She says the pressure to appear fun, stylish and socially active pushes people into recording constantly.

“People are curating a version of themselves. Weddings and parties become stages for this performance,” she says.

“But the tragedy is that these people rarely internalise the happiness of the moment. Instead, they are preoccupied with whether their video will look good online.”

Ms Kayombo notes that excessive filming affects mental well-being by increasing stress levels.

Guests often spend more time editing clips on the spot, worrying about lighting, replaying shots and comparing their content with that of others.

“As a result, they leave the event with content but without emotional satisfaction.

Dr Rugambwa, the sociologist, says Tanzania risks raising a generation that equates memories with digital content rather than lived experience.

“If we don’t address this behaviour, future ceremonies will be more about production than emotion. We are losing the communal spirit that has always defined African gatherings.”

Psychologist Ms Lema emphasises the need for families to reclaim the intimacy of celebrations.

“Encouraging guests to put phones away during crucial moments, like vows, prayers or speeches, can restore the human connection. The memory created by direct eye contact and shared laughter will always outlast a video clip.”

Experts recommend simple interventions such as designated photography zones, hiring professional videographers so guests don’t feel the need to record, or setting clear expectations at the start of the event.

For now, though, Tanzanian celebrations continue to be filled with guests who are present in body but absent in experience, documenting life without living it.