The illusion of control: How letting go can improve your life

Life often seems like a chessboard. We think about how to move the pieces, which strategies to apply, and make decisions accordingly. We make plans, set goals, and feel as though everything is under our control. But the truth is, life is never as predictable or calculable as a chess game.

No matter how much we plan, things rarely go exactly as we wish. This is where we confront our desire for control. Control is an illusion because the world turns independently of us, and events do not always unfold as we want them to. So, why do we fall into this illusion and invest so much effort in trying to control life?

The desire for control stems from a deep human need to feel safe. Uncertainty and chaos frighten us. The easiest way to cope with this fear is by trying to control events and circumstances. Whether it’s managing a relationship, a career, or any area of our lives, it gives us a sense of power. When we feel we are in control, we believe we are safe. However, the desire for control, no matter how strong, is always doomed to fail. Life is too unpredictable and complex to be controlled.

Our efforts to maintain control are a major source of anxiety and stress. When we try to control everything, every failure to do so leads to frustration. Even small details can become overwhelming problems. Because everything we can’t control begins to seem like a threat. This pushes us toward an even stronger need for control, trapping us in an endless cycle of anxiety. The attempt to control leads us not to freedom, but to worry and tension.

So, how can we break free from this cycle of anxiety? The answer is simple: Let go of control. But this process is far from easy. Letting go of control doesn’t mean giving up on life or surrendering to everything. In fact, letting go of control is about accepting things as they are and realizing that uncertainty is a part of life. This is not about avoiding responsibility, but rather about being flexible in the face of what life brings.

Letting go of control requires courage. Facing uncertainty and opening ourselves up to situations we cannot control challenges our need for security. But true freedom lies here. Embracing uncertainty is the deepest expression of trust in life. Accepting that life cannot be controlled is a great strength because this acceptance allows us to step away from anxiety and fear.

One of the greatest rewards of letting go of control is discovering inner freedom. When we constantly try to control ourselves — our emotions, thoughts, and reactions — it creates even more tension. The more we try to control our emotions, the more we focus on them, and this can actually make them stronger. But when we accept that emotions are temporary, and instead of fighting them, allow them to flow, we find inner peace. Realizing we don’t need to control everything in our minds is the first step toward freedom.

The big questions are: Is it more important to control ourselves, or to accept ourselves as we are? Does trusting the flow of life bring us more peace than trying to calculate every step?

Letting go of control isn’t just about external events, it also applies to our inner world. As we try to control everything, we see just how fragile we really are. Sometimes the greatest strength lies in surrender. Surrender doesn’t mean everything goes smoothly, but rather that we can remain at peace even when things don’t. It’s an art that allows us to find calmness amid chaos.

Letting go of control is often seen as a weakness, but it’s actually the greatest strength. To accept life as it is, is the greatest form of freedom. This doesn’t mean everything will go as planned, but that even if things don’t, we can handle it. True freedom doesn’t lie in controlling events, but in staying calm when we can’t control them. Being open to life’s surprises and embracing its unpredictability makes us more flexible and resilient.

In relationships, careers, or life itself, trying to control everything doesn’t bring happiness. Trying to control life is like swimming against the current. No matter how strong you are, you can’t fight the power of the current. But when you swim with the current, you get the chance to discover where it takes you. When we let go of control, we can better see the opportunities life presents.

Ultimately, trying to control life is the biggest obstacle to inner peace. True freedom emerges when we let go of control. When we learn to accept ourselves, others, and the world as they are, we reach both inner and outer balance. Instead of trying to control the chaos of life, trusting its natural flow brings us true peace. When we let go of control, we actually accept ourselves and life in a much deeper way.

With Love and Respect,

Burak Anaturk.

Burak Anaturk is a professional civil engineer. He focuses on sharing lessons from his life experiences, exploring diverse perspectives, and discussing personal development topics.
Email:[email protected]