When your partner changes and you don’t seem to
What you need to know:
- Many people throw in the towel when their partners change or even coerce them to exist on the old plane
When two people meet, expectations are high, and each will be trying to navigate the relationship the way he or she thinks is best.
Firstly, there are ideals formed in both of you. What is interesting in life is that opposites, in many cases, pair together. When we married, my wife and I used to drink together. Today, she is repelled by the smell of alcohol. She has set her precedent, while I am the same old me.
Many people throw in the towel when their partners change or even coerce them to exist on the old plane; if one drinks, he or she expects the partner to drink too. The opposite is true. And just because she decided to make a change doesn’t mean all of us will. If she quits but her significant other is not ready to quit, setting healthy boundaries and communicating clearly will be key to successfully staying sober.
A sensible man may not worry about changes in the character of their partners because, sometimes, it is for the better. For instance, if my wife becomes deeply religious and decides to concentrate on her work, it would not be right for me to patronise her religious beliefs. There are benefits to it.
Conversely, if I am still “walking” with the devil, enjoying all the inventions, she should just turn a blind eye to me and pray that I quit at some point. After all, as we grow older, we are more likely to quit some of the habits that irritate our women and, if need be, join them in the church.
My wife is a church leader in the children’s ministries section. I, on the other hand, am a patron of so many bars that they know me by name.
It's my experience that most people don't think too much about the past and its influence on the future, nor do they consider the future consequences of their actions now.
They instead seem to be primarily focused on achieving emotional rewards in the present moment, with little thought given to the implications those actions might have for times yet to come.
That is why I said that while the future is important to all of us, we must start moderating some of the “devil’s inventions,” while at the same time, our partners desist from forcing us to conform to the way they think we should be living.
