It doesn’t matter how much a woman is educated...A husband must remain the boss
A man likes it in the bar because it’s the place he can play the boss, even when he’s generally mtu wa vivi hivi like Wa Muyanza.
For many among us, wives have stopped being wives, they’ve become mere partners, equal partners. Or even superior partners in the ndoa union.
Our forefathers were considered demigods by our mothers, the kind of wives who’d say sorry even when it’s her baba watoto who has made a fool of himself.
When the husband breaks a cup because his hand is shaking since he hasn’t recovered from the effects of last night’s overindulgence in beer, the wife rushes to pick up the pieces, saying, 'Samahani, mume wangu!'
But that’s the wife from yesteryear, Mwaka wa 47. The type whose sweet behaviour would motivate the husband to rush home to enjoy their solace and comfort after a day of slaving for an overdemanding, thankless boss.
Or colleagues who dismiss your commitment to hard work as nothing but uchawa!
Kitojo, or Kito, to his close associates, is a frequent drinking buddy of mine. Kito says he prefers to spend his free hours in bars because wahudumu are friendly and courteous.
“The wahudumu are a far cry from the overbearing wives of ours", he says.
He admits that he loves the treatment he receives from his favourite mhudumu at Family Lightness, who refers to him as "baby", "husband" and other endearing names that make him feel like “a real man".
“Why don’t you ask your legally married wife to call you such sweet names?” You ask Kito.
He says he has appealed to her to do that, but she has rubbished him, arguing that they are too grown-up to call each other silly things like 'darling', 'honey' or 'baby'.
“When I call my wife 'honey', she retorts, ‘Acha ujinga!’”
Kito hails Lightness, who is a short distance from us, so she can bring us a round in reciprocation to the beer I ordered him after he joined me.
When I advise him to give his order to Mercy, who has been attending to me ahead of his arrival, he says no.
“Only lightness serves me properly here,” Kito insists.
“Hello, my darling husband. What can I do for you?” 'Lightness', says coyly, parting Kito softly on the shoulder.
Responds Kito while looking at Lightness straight in the eye, “Get us one-one, and of course, you may have one also.”
The girl is soon back with our drinks, including a Fanta for herself. “Hey, baby, aren't you having a beer?”
"No, honey; but I would like to eat something…is it okay, honey?”
“Anything you want, Lightness…anything," says Kito.
Kito says he feels good when a woman treats him like a king.
“That’s not possible from the kind of wives we have today,” he asserts.
"But", I say to my friend, “today’s woman is liberated…she’s as educated as any man around, and there are even those who’ve more money than their husbands…what do you say about that?”
According to Kito, it doesn’t matter how much a woman is educated or how much money she has. “A husband must remain the boss; he must be respected in total by his wife, no matter what!”
