The need to appear grateful can turn into what psychologists call toxic positivity, the insistence on staying positive even when things are falling apart.
It prevents people from acknowledging stress, grief, or disappointment and, over time, separates them from their true emotional experience.
Gratitude is often described as the key to happiness. We are encouraged to count our blessings, look on the bright side, and stay thankful no matter what. Gratitude can be grounding, but it can also start to feel heavy when it is used to silence pain. Many people carry quiet guilt for feeling tired, frustrated, or disappointed, because they know someone else “has it worse”. Suppressing those feelings does not make them disappear. It only buries them under layers of forced positivity.
In Tanzania, this mindset is common. When you share that work has been overwhelming, someone might remind you, “At least you have a job.” When you talk about being tired, the response might be, “You should thank God you’re healthy.” Gratitude becomes the answer to everything. The intention behind it is good, but it often overlooks that being thankful and being overwhelmed can exist side by side.
Psychologists describe gratitude as a tool that strengthens mental wellbeing by helping people focus on what they have rather than what they lack. When gratitude becomes an expectation instead of a choice, it loses meaning. Instead of being a source of comfort, it becomes another standard to live up to.
Many people grow up believing that expressing dissatisfaction, even in small ways, is a sign of ungratefulness. A student complains about heavy coursework and hears, “At least you’re in school.” A young professional admits to burnout and is reminded, “You’re lucky even to have a salary.” A person struggling emotionally is told, “Others would love to be in your position.” These responses often stem from good intentions, but they can create isolation. They teach people to swallow their emotions rather than express them.
This need to appear grateful can turn into what psychologists call toxic positivity, the insistence on staying positive even when things are falling apart. It prevents people from acknowledging stress, grief, or disappointment. Over time, it separates them from their true emotional experience.
Gratitude and cultural expectations
In Tanzanian culture, humility is valued. People are taught to stay modest, accept life as it comes, and avoid complaining. This mindset builds resilience, but it can also make it difficult to admit when something feels wrong.
For many families, gratitude is linked to survival. Parents remind their children to be thankful because they have lived through harder times. Families that have faced financial struggles or limited opportunities often raise children to never “take things for granted”. This creates a generation that knows how to endure but not always how to express emotional discomfort.
Saying “I’m struggling” can feel like betraying those who sacrificed for you. It becomes easier to say “I’m fine” than to admit that blessings can still feel heavy. Gratitude becomes a shield against vulnerability.
The psychological cost of forced gratitude
When people deny their emotions in the name of gratitude, tension builds quietly in the body and mind. Emotional suppression does not erase pain. It simply delays it. Over time, this can turn into anxiety, exhaustion, or resentment.
Psychological research on emotional regulation shows that resilience comes from balance, not denial. Gratitude is most powerful when it coexists with honesty. Saying, “I’m thankful for my job, and I’m also exhausted,” allows both emotions to be seen. When feelings are named instead of hidden, the brain processes stress more effectively.
In many Tanzanian settings, people feel pressure to maintain a certain image. On social media, they post smiles even when they are struggling. At family events, everyone shares blessings but rarely mentions fears. The phrase “tunamshukuru Mungu” becomes both truth and mask. Gratitude is meant to free the mind, yet it sometimes feels like an obligation.
Making gratitude real
Real gratitude is quiet. It does not deny pain or rush healing. It accepts that life can be both beautiful and difficult. Psychologists call this emotional complexity, the ability to hold more than one feeling at a time. A person can love their life and still wish parts of it were different. They can be proud of their progress and still feel uncertain about the future.
The goal is not to reject gratitude but to make it sincere. Gratitude should come from reflection, not fear of appearing ungrateful. It grows naturally when people permit themselves to feel both appreciation and discomfort.
This kind of gratitude is simple. It can mean taking a quiet walk and noticing a sense of calm. It can mean acknowledging the people who make life easier. It can also mean saying, “Today was hard, but I’m thankful I made it through.” Honesty keeps gratitude grounded.
Creating space for both gratitude and truth
As a community, we can learn to hold space for both gratitude and truth. It begins with how we listen. When someone says they are tired, the response does not have to be, “Be thankful.” It can simply be, “That sounds hard.” When a friend shares stress about work, it helps to listen before offering advice. This kind of listening allows honesty to exist without shame.
Collective strength does not require emotional silence. True community grows through empathy and understanding. The more people feel safe to express both gratitude and struggle, the healthier our emotional culture becomes.
Gratitude is meant to connect people to what is real. When it is sincere, it softens the harder parts of life. When it is forced, it turns into another quiet pressure that hides pain behind polite smiles.
Being thankful and being tired can exist together. It is possible to pray with hope and still feel anxious. Progress can bring pride and doubt at the same time. Gratitude and honesty can share space.
A culture that allows both appreciation and truth heals deeply. Being human is not about pretending life is easy. It is about facing it fully with faith, awareness, and compassion.
Haika Gerson is a writer and psychology student at the University of Derby, passionate about human behaviour and mental well-being.
