Touch starvation: Why your skin is your best friend

We often talk of the five senses and of all of them, the one that comes through the largest human organ is also the one least considered, unless you get burnt or beaten or stung by a bee.

Being the largest human organ, the skin is responsible for so much and protecting it is often at the top of everyone’s list. Good looking skin helps you feel confident, beautiful, keeps all your internals nicely protected and tells the world that you are doing just great.

When your skin looks anything other than healthy, it is a cause for concern and worry. Seeing as for many of us, our knowledge on the skin and its uses ends right about where the physical eye can see, it was quite intriguing when I came across the concept of touch starvation.

Yes, dear reader, this really is a thing.

In March this year, a woman named Mayte Lisbeth posted a video on Tik Tok that quickly went viral. In the video, she tearfully shared that she is struggling with touch starvation.

“I feel like I’m like I’m dying ya’ll, from touch starvation,” she says, after a short disclaimer that this has nothing to do with any neurodivergence that manifests as an aversion to being touched.

“I don’t get hugs. I feel like if I were to get the kind of hug that I really want, I would crumble into pieces,” she continues. As the video continues, Mayte continues to share in tears how much of a struggle it is for her to just get through. She continues to question how she’ll manage to live the rest of her life without the touch she craves and wonders how others in a similar position are holding on.

While the video itself is heart-wrenching to watch, it was a jarring reminder of just how deeply wired the human system is and removing something as small as a hug, long enough, could send one down a spiral.

I started reading and brushing up on my science and touch starvation, as the name implies, happens when one hasn’t received meaningful physical contact, be it a hug or more.

All through evolution, human beings used touch and feel to communicate so many things. In the cold, humans would bundle up together for warmth and in stress, physical contact is helpful in calming of the nerves.

According to mental health social worker, Mr Tom Kasekende, when one is touched, especially by someone they love, their body releases the hormone oxytocin, commonly called the love hormone.

Oxytocin is a natural hormone that manages key aspects of the female and male reproductive systems, including labour and delivery and lactation, as well as aspects of human behaviour. Your hypothalamus makes oxytocin, but your posterior pituitary gland stores and releases it into your bloodstream.

Human behaviours that oxytocin is responsible for include romantic attachment and sexual arousal – ergo the love hormone nickname; recognition and trust – a lack of which can cause loneliness and feelings of being touch starved; as well as parent-infant bonding – in which positive contact helps raise healthier children.

Since hormones are message carriers, the absence of this hormone then has physical, mental and emotional effects on a human being.

While touch starvation may have always been around, Covid-19 really heightened it especially for those who had to isolate or found themselves living alone during quarantine periods. Social distancing is another contributor to touch starvation.

Human touch is a legitimate physical and emotional need, although everyone has different levels of the longing for touch.

Touch starvation increases stress, depression and anxiety, triggering a cascade of negative physiological effects. The body releases the hormone cortisol as a response to stress, activating the body’s “flight-or-fight” response.

This can increase heart rate, blood pressure, respiration and muscle tension, and can suppress the digestive system and immune system—increasing the risk of infection.

While we may not always notice, instantly, that certain behaviours and actions may be a result of touch starvation, Mr Kasekende shares that a crucial key may be an overwhelming sense of loneliness.

“At times we feel the need to hug pets or teddy bears for long periods of time, or even take long showers; that has something to do with the need for touch,” he shares.

He shares that while the signs for touch starvation, may be similar to a number of other deprivations, they include:

Aggressive behaviour - Touch deprivation can make you feel irritated. Lack of human touch is linked to aggressive behaviour. Aggressive behaviour can be both verbal and physical.

Loneliness - Without human contact, we tend to feel a lot lonelier. If you aren’t getting enough physical contact in your daily life, you might feel extremely lonely or on your own. Loneliness can happen even if you live with someone or you’re in a relationship—if you’re touch starved, you’re going to crave that human connection no matter what.

You probably also aren't getting enough human contact if you're isolated. Even if you like being alone, when you spend most of your time by yourself, you probably aren’t touching people or interacting with them very much. Even the most introverted of introverts needs a high-five or a hug every now and then.

Stress - Physical contact helps reduce stress and relax tension. When you aren’t touched for a long time, you might find that you’re feeling a bit more stressed out and high strung than usual.

When the touch receptors beneath our skin are stimulated, it can help reduce cortisol levels and blood pressure, which therefore reduces stress. Conversely, when we are experiencing stress and lack touch, we may struggle to unwind. This is one of the many reasons why alternative holistic therapies, such as cuddle therapy are growing in popularity across the world, as people seek to find ways to address their skin hunger and keep stress in check.

Fatigue and insomnia - Feeling lonely or anxious can sometimes cause sleep problems. Insomnia is a common marker of touch starvation, which can be hard to deal with.

While it’s not the only indicator that you are touch starved, if you have trouble sleeping on top of a sense of loneliness, touch starvation could be the reason. Not being touched can actually drain your energy. If you’re sleeping okay but you always wake up feeling tired, it could be because you’re lacking human contact. This can be for a multitude of reasons, but the biggest one is probably because loneliness can be exhausting.

Body image issues - Touch plays a role in the formation of body image and how we see ourselves. One study of women with anorexia and bulimia showed a link between body image issues and greater touch deprivation in their childhood as well as in their current life.

In contrast, another impact of touch deprivation is overeating, which may be a way of trying to fill an inner void that has come about through a lack of affection.

So while you may spend hundreds of dollars on skincare products and routines, if you still lack the basic human contact to validate, encourage or even lift your sour mood, you’ll probably battle body image issues as a result

Mental health issues such as depression - Depression, low mood, anxiety and being withdrawn can be signs of skin hunger. In addition, those who are touch deprived may be more likely to have alexithymia, which is a condition that inhibits people from expressing and interpreting their emotions (that’s not to suggest that skin hunger causes this condition).

Yet when these individuals receive healing touch, their depression levels have been shown to go down.

Sexual dysfunction - High levels of anxiousness may increase tension within the body, which can lead to sexual dysfunction.

Fear of attachment and unsatisfying relationships - Individuals suffering from touch deprivation may feel fearful towards becoming attached, and could be less likely to form secure attachments with other people.

This could be down to the fact that these individuals are self-preoccupied, can suffer from excessive shyness and are anxious about reaching out and becoming involved in long-term intimacy. It’s therefore no surprise that “I need cuddles”, “I want a cuddle buddy” and “professional hugging service” are commonly googled phrases.

Touch is a very crucial part of everyday as it helps in communicating emotions and maintaining relationships. “Touch activates particular areas of the brain and influences thought processes, reactions and psychological responses,” Kasekende explains.

“Touch also activates the orbitofrontal cortex. This is the area of the brain that is associated with emotional and social behaviours, decision making and learning. It can also be calming and reassuring for people experiencing distress,” he adds.

Mental stress and other issues that cause mental strain are often associated with the common culprits such as work stress, relationship issues, failing to cope with an array of other external stimuli.

However, the next time we face some of these symptoms and issues, it may be helpful to consider if we are getting enough physical contact.

Whatever life throws your way, remember that a hug may help make it more bearable. Breakdown in tears if need be, or jump for joy and go ahead and hug someone. You never know who just might need it.