It was my first week at a new job, the beginning of a chapter, yet on a quiet Wednesday morning, I made the one mistake I had promised I wouldn’t. I arrived five minutes late to a team meeting.
Five. Whole. Minutes.I felt the familiar heat rise in my cheeks as I rushed into the meeting, my heart thudding with that old panic.
As I stepped into the room, I instinctively launched into a performance I had perfected, one where I acted “fake-flusterd”, so people knew I cared.
I fussed with my notebook, avoided eye contact, and prepared myself for the cold glares and silent judgments I had grown used to in my previous workplace.
But then- nothing. No one sneered or raised an eyebrow. Where were the rolled eyes in disdain?
They simply looked at me calmly, a colleague smiled at me and then continued with the meeting as if my tardiness had not fractured the earth beneath us.
There was no tension. No loaded silence. Just people sitting, ready to work.
I was performing for corporate ghosts, carrying wounds from another place when lateness meant reprimands and flinching glances across the room.
That’s when it hit me. I had left my toxic job, but it hadn’t left me. Maybe that’s you right now. New year, fresh start, but deep down, you're still bracing for punishment that isn’t coming.
If you've ever worked in a toxic job, you know what I mean, you might have escaped the building, but the alarms still go off internally.
A few signs you are not over your previous toxic work environment include you: Overexplaining small decisions.
Apologising for things that aren't your fault.
Feeling anxious when someone uses a “full stop” in an email.
Working overtime, just to prove you’re not lazy
Feeling internally anxious without external triggers
A 2022 survey by the Workplace Bullying Institute found that 76% of employees who experienced toxic leadership still displayed signs of mistrust and fear in future jobs, even after the toxicity ended.
Psychologists call this survival mode conditioning: When your brain rewires to detect threats even in safe environments.
In toxic jobs, being alert keeps you employed, but in a healthy workplace, it makes you seem guarded, unapproachable, or worse, uncoachable.
Leaving a toxic workplace is brave, but healing from one is intentional.
The key is learning how to tell the difference between old patterns and new realities.
I’m not suggesting you forget what you’ve experienced but rather, trust where you are now.
Carrying an emotional shield in a healthy environment might protect you from disappointment, but it also prevents you from making the very progress you’re ready for this year.
Here are 3 steps to stop working like you're under attack:
1. Audit Your Auto-Responses. Start noticing moments where you over-apologize, triple-check your tone, or downplay your wins. Ask: Is this based on current reality, or past fear?
2. Build a “Safe Signals” List. Look for evidence that you’re in a healthy environment: Are you encouraged to ask questions?
Do people take breaks without guilt?
Are you thanked or affirmed regularly?
Let these signals anchor your nervous system.
3. Redefine Professionalism for Yourself. Toxic jobs teach us that professionalism = perfectionism + silence. Healthy jobs know professionalism = accountability + humanity. Let yourself be human again.
If this article resonated with you, take a moment to acknowledge that you are recovering and it’s a process, so give yourself grace.
This year you are in a new chapter, by all means, ditch the old script and the muscle memory that trained you to fear human error.
The curtain has closed and you will not need to play the part,as you strive for excellence in your work. This time, you get to show up whole.
