Couples fighting loneliness in marriage

Michael Joseph Jackson was one of the world's most iconic singers, destined to be remembered forever. Michael was born on August 29, 1958, in Gary, Indiana, United States. When he was only 5, he joined four of his brothers in a musical group called The Jackson 5. In 1969, they signed a recording contract with Motown Records. They soon became stars with several hit songs, and Michael became the lead singer.

His 1982 Thriller video reached 1 billion views on YouTube this year. The album is estimated to have sold over 70 million copies worldwide, making it the best-selling album of all time. Jackson earned $134 million in just the two years following the album's release. Michael was a lonely person despite his elaborate fortune and millions of fans in addition to his family. Sometimes he could be seen walking in his neighbourhood to find someone to talk to.

Causes of loneliness can be:

Poor family relationships: Recent research seems to suggest that family background is a great contributor to a person's vulnerability to loneliness. Individuals can have a genetic predisposition to becoming lonely. Several studies have shown that loneliness can run in families. A family needs healthy connections; otherwise, it can produce lonely individuals.

Wrong attitudes: Negative evaluation of bodies, sexuality, health, appearance, behaviour, feelings, and friendships significantly contributes to our vulnerability to feelings of loneliness. Dr Paul Tournier, in his profound book Escape from Loneliness, rightly says that loneliness is a result of first, parliamentary attitudes in which we see life as a big tournament with success as the winner's prize.

Dr Tournier says the second cause of loneliness is independent attitudes, which cause us to act as if we were rugged individualists, absolutely autonomous, independent of God and others. Thirdly, possessive attitudes make us driven to get what we can for ourselves, and lastly, demanding attitudes cause us to fight for rights and demand fairness.

Communication breakdown: When spouses are unwilling to communicate clearly, then they're subject to interpersonal problems, isolation, and loneliness. Yes, communication breakdown can lead to loneliness in a relationship. Failure to communicate well can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts, which in turn cause partners to feel unheard, not valued, and neglected.

In the end, partners feel disconnected and emotionally unsafe. They start feeling frustrated, unimportant, and alone in their relationship.

In conclusion, George Vaillant, M.D., has studied adult development, including the lives of 800+ men and women, for over 60 years as a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. When summarising a 70-year Harvard project, he said, "The only thing that really matters in life is your relationships with other people,” and “Happiness equals love—full stop.” Yes, we need God and others to stay out of loneliness.

Amani Kyala is a counsellor, teacher, and writer: [email protected], 0626 512 144.