Let’s talk about a situation many people whisper about but rarely address honestly: women and girls committing their hearts, bodies, time, and future plans to married men…hoping one day he’ll “finally leave his wife”.
Sis… let’s sit down.
Because what usually starts as “he’s unhappy at home” often ends with you being the one unhappy, alone, and emotionally drained while he is still legally, socially, and publicly somebody’s husband.
And no, this is not judgement. This is reality with Wi-Fi.
The fantasy sounds sweet and dramatic:
“He loves me more.”
“They’re basically separated.”
“He said he’s only staying for the kids.”
“He promised he’s leaving soon.”
Now here’s the pattern. “Soon” becomes years. The kids keep growing, but the divorce never does.
Emergencies at home always come first. Holidays? You’re on standby. Public events? You don’t exist. His wife is the “problem”, but somehow she’s still the official one.
If a man is truly ready to leave, he leaves. Not emotionally. Not in secret. Legally. Publicly. Completely.
Anything else is a trailer, not the movie.
It’s not just about another woman. You are competing with history, family ties, shared property, social image, children, in-laws, and years of built structure.
You are offering feelings. She represents a system.
Guess which one usually wins?
You can’t post him. You can’t call anytime. You can’t plan freely. You celebrate birthdays on random days. You hide. You wait. You understand. You sacrifice.
You become emotionally loyal to a man who is legally loyal somewhere else.
That’s not romance. That’s emotional outsourcing.
“He said he’ll leave” is not a contract, a promise without action is a bedtime story for adults.
If he has time to take trips with you, talk for hours, and build emotional intimacy, he also has time to file papers and make real decisions. Delay is a decision. Silence is a decision. Staying married is a decision.
Don’t confuse words with movement.
To be honest, the emotional math rarely favours you, many women in these situations end up waiting for years, defending a man who won’t publicly defend them, and becoming mothers without security, missing chances to build with someone available.
And when it ends? You don’t just lose a boyfriend. You lose time, youth, trust, and sometimes your self-worth. There is no trophy for “most patient side partner”.
Listen, if he can do it with you… What makes you think he won’t do it to you?! Asking for a friend. If he cheats with you, he can cheat on you. You’re not the exception, you’re the new chapter in the same story.
Character doesn’t transform because the location changed.
Loneliness, love, financial pressure, emotional attachment… life is complicated. People fall into these situations for many reasons. But staying in them hoping for a miracle ending is like building a house on a borrowed plot and praying the owner forgets. You deserve a relationship where you are the main address, not a hidden extension.
The bottom line… If he is married, he is not “almost yours”. He is married.
Real love doesn’t require secrecy, waiting in the shadows, or competing with a legal wife. You shouldn’t have to beg destiny to choose you.
Choose yourself first. Because in this situation, the only person truly risking everything… is you.
