As I’m about to celebrate Mother’s Day, let me advise some of y’all who are trying to enter this motherhood party for all the wrong reasons.
First of all… being a mother is beautiful. Amazing actually. Nothing prepares you for that kind of love. But whew… motherhood also requires software updates. You cannot be version 1.0 mentally while raising somebody’s future husband, wife, president, or podcast guest.
It requires sacrifice, patience, emotional maturity, responsibility, and sometimes surviving on three hours of sleep while still acting like a functioning member of society.
So my dear sisters… those of you who were told a baby can secure commitment, soften a man, stop him from cheating, or magically turn “we’re just vibing” into marriage… first, pole.
Because society really marketed that lie properly.
We grew up hearing, “The girlfriend became the wife after getting pregnant.”
“He changed after becoming a father.”
“They finally settled down after the baby.”
“He left everyone else and chose her.”
Meanwhile, nobody interviews the other 700 women raising children while the man is somewhere posting cryptic quotes and gym selfies.
A child does not create love where love did not exist before.
It simply reveals intentions faster.
If a man is inconsistent, emotionally unavailable, dishonest, allergic to commitment, or replying “seen” after 9 hours before pregnancy… please understand a baby is not going to suddenly transform him into Husband of the Year.
In fact, pressure usually reveals the truth people were busy avoiding.
And sometimes fear is what pushes women into these decisions.
Fear of losing him to another woman.
Fear of wasting years in a relationship going nowhere.
Fear that if you don’t “secure him” now, another woman will.
My dear… if a man wants to leave, he will leave.
Pregnant or not pregnant.
Twins or triplets.
Matching pyjamas or not.
You cannot emotionally handcuff a grown man using a baby.
Maybe that auntie lied to you.
Maybe that friend with “relationship advice” has been suffering quietly since 2017.
Maybe movies convinced you that once he sees the ultrasound, dramatic music will play and he will suddenly become family-orientated.
Life does not always work like that. And sometimes women confuse access with commitment.
Just because he sleeps over, calls you "baby", sends rent occasionally, or knows your favourite chip flavour does not automatically mean wedding bells are loading.
That truth hurts, but it matters.
Now this is not about humiliating women who already made that mistake. Social media already does enough of that. Every day online, women are called desperate, foolish, or “single mothers who deserve it".
But life is more complicated than comment sections.
People make emotional decisions when they are in love.
People ignore red flags when they are hopeful.
People stay too long because they believe effort will eventually be rewarded.
That does not make someone stupid.
It makes them human.
But if you are currently thinking:
“Maybe a baby will make him serious…”
Please pause and ask yourself one difficult question:
If commitment has to be forced… is it really commitment?
Because marriage is not a reward for pregnancy.
A child is not glue for a broken relationship.
And motherhood should never become a strategy for emotional security.
A man who truly wants to build a future with you will not need a baby ultimatum to decide.
