You are allowed to build a life that includes stability, rest, and growth. You are allowed to acknowledge when things are difficult, and you are allowed to acknowledge when things are going well. You do not need to hide your progress or suppress your pain to remain acceptable to others.
In our corner of the world, endurance has become something we respect deeply. From a young age, we grow up hearing stories where success is tied directly to suffering. The hero is defined by how much they endured before they arrived. The longer the road and the heavier the burden, the more legitimate the success feels. We see it in the way we talk about our parents walking long distances to school, the way we glorify constant hustle, and the way rest is treated as something that must be earned.
In many social spaces, struggle has become a form of social currency. Exhaustion is interpreted as evidence of commitment. Carrying emotional and financial responsibility for others is seen as a reflection of character. Over time, people begin to measure their worth by how much they can tolerate. The more pressure you carry, the more respectable you appear.
This creates an environment where burnout becomes normal. People grow uncomfortable with ease. When life feels stable, it can create unease, as if something important is missing. Suffering begins to function as proof that you are working hard enough, trying hard enough, and deserving enough.
The shift happens gradually. At first, struggle is something you experience. Eventually, it becomes something you identify with. Instead of saying, “I am going through a difficult time,” it becomes, “This is just who I am.” From a psychological perspective, this reflects how the mind adapts to repeated conditions. When hardship becomes familiar, the nervous system begins to treat it as normal.
Stability can begin to feel unfamiliar. Peace can feel undeserved. Some people remain in draining jobs, one-sided relationships, or unsustainable routines longer than necessary because difficulty feels more predictable than change. The mind becomes accustomed to functioning under pressure.
Over time, the brain begins to associate struggle with safety. This happens because struggle is familiar. Even when it is uncomfortable, it is predictable. Predictability creates a sense of control. Ease introduces uncertainty. When things are calm, people may begin to anticipate disruption. They may overwork, overcommit, or create pressure for themselves without realising it. This is how struggle stops being something external and becomes something internal. It becomes a pattern that the mind recreates automatically.
When strength becomes self abandonment
This pattern also appears in how people relate to both success and hardship within their communities. When life begins to improve, many people become careful about expressing it openly. They downplay their progress. They avoid speaking freely about their achievements because they do not want to be seen as arrogant or disconnected from others. Pride becomes something you suppress to remain acceptable.
At the same time, when life becomes difficult, people often respond by dismissing their own pain. They tell themselves to endure, to stay strong, and to move forward without acknowledging the emotional impact of what they are experiencing. This creates a situation where people cannot fully acknowledge when they are hurting, and they cannot fully embrace when they are progressing. Both experiences remain internal, unprocessed, and unresolved.
Acceptance plays an important role in breaking this cycle. Being honest with yourself about where you are emotionally allows you to respond appropriately. When you admit that something is affecting you, you create the opportunity to address it. Ignoring it does not make it disappear. Suppressing it delays the process of healing and adjustment. Progress begins when you allow yourself to recognise your reality without trying to prove your strength to anyone.
Many people internalise beliefs such as, “I am the one who holds everything together,” or “I am the one people depend on.” These beliefs can create pressure to remain in difficult situations longer than necessary. Rest begins to feel undeserved. Stability begins to feel unfamiliar. People continue enduring environments that diminish their wellbeing because struggle has become part of how they see themselves.
The long-term impact extends into every area of life. It appears in professionals who refuse support because they feel responsible for carrying everything alone. It appears in individuals who neglect their own wellbeing while prioritising everyone else. It appears in people who remain in environments that limit their growth because leaving would require redefining their identity.
When struggle becomes an identity, it keeps people in cycles of survival. They remain focused on enduring rather than building lives that support their wellbeing.
Changing this pattern begins with awareness and intentional action. Consider the following steps:
• Question the belief that struggle is required for growth
Growth can happen in stable, supportive environments. You do not need to remain in difficult situations to justify your progress.
• Stop using suffering as a measure of your worth
Your value is not determined by how much pressure you can tolerate. You deserve stability, respect, and wellbeing without exhausting yourself.
• Allow yourself to accept ease without guilt
When opportunities for balance, rest, or improvement appear, allow yourself to accept them. Stability is part of long-term growth.
• Be honest about what certain situations are doing to you
If something is affecting your mental health, emotional stability, or overall wellbeing, acknowledge it clearly. Honesty allows you to make decisions that support your future.
• Redefine what strength means to you
Strength can include setting boundaries, protecting your peace, and choosing environments that support your wellbeing.
Final thoughts
Struggle is a part of life, but it was never meant to define your identity. It is something you experience, not something you are required to become.
You are allowed to build a life that includes stability, rest, and growth. You are allowed to acknowledge when things are difficult, and you are allowed to acknowledge when things are going well. You do not need to hide your progress or suppress your pain to remain acceptable to others.
Moving forward requires honesty with yourself and the willingness to choose wellbeing over familiar hardship. It requires recognising that your life does not need to be defined by endurance alone. It can also be defined by stability, clarity, and the freedom to exist without constant struggle.
Haika Gerson is a writer and psychology student at the University of Derby, passionate about human behaviour and mental well-being.
